Monday, May 01, 2006

The Top Ten Weirdest, Creepiest, Freakiest Children's Television Shows

This is a list of the top ten children’s television shows currently being aired on US television that give me the willies. This is my opinion, and my opinion alone. The list doesn't include old shows, but if it did many of these would probably remain on the list. This is also a list of shows geared toward pre-school aged kids, 'cause after that there are just too many.


10. Dora the Explorer

Most of you probably know all about this show and what it's about. Next to Blue's Clues, it's one of Nick's most financially successful shows, with annual merchandise sales topping one billion dollars in 2004. A pudgy seven-year-old Hispanic girl named Dora and her monkey friend named Boots go on adventures, which usually involve following a path, solving puzzles, and being attacked randomly by a fox named Swiper.



Here's what bothers my about the show. It's not the monkey. It's not the fact Dora's parents need to be arrested for child neglect.

It's the map.


Murderer?

The talking map that lays out Dora's path at the beginning of every adventure. What is this thing, and who does it serve? Why is it always trying to kill her? I can see just by looking at the plan that she doesn't really have to go over that alligator-infested lake. She can walk right around it. She doesn't have to crawl right through the cave with the sleeping lion. Freakin' Isa always gets there on her own, and she doesn't have a talking map trying to kill her. Wtf?

9. Teletubbies

If this were 1997, this show would be number one. Who by now doesn't know about the adventures of Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po? Who hasn't heard about the Tinky Winky purse scandal, where he was accused of being an evil, subversive homosexual teletubby out to turn your children into queers?



Still, this show is a regular of the PBS Kids lineup, and it's still creepy. What exactly are the teletubbies? Who is that voice on the mysterious megaphones that pop up out of the ground? Why do they worship the sun with the baby trapped inside? And why, exactly are these creatures so intent on spying on our children?

8. The Backyardigans

This creepy-as-hell CGI cartoon is one of Nick Jr.'s most popular shows. It features five creatures: a moose, a penguin, a hippo, a kangaroo, and ... an alien. The premise is these colorful little critters have a connecting back yard and they go back there and get into imaginative, musical adventures (ala Muppet Babies and Rugrats) where the backyard is turned into a desert, space, whatever.



I guess the most disturbing thing is the CGI itself. There's nothing really wrong with it, but I get a funny feeling in my stomach when I look at them.

7. Wonder Pets

This one is brand new on Nick Jr. It's a superhero show featuring three pets (Linny the Guinea Pig, Tuck the turtle, and Ming Ming Duckling) who live in an elementary school room and get called out to go on adventures, usually to save other animals from danger.



It has a very crude animation style, but apparently they go all out with the music, and a live orchestra performs each episode with original music.


6. Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.

Those of you calling out in protest, shut up. Mr. Rogers is dead, yes, but they still show his weird-ass show every single day on PBS. It's not so much the creepy, there-must-be-something-wrong-with-him smile. It's the Neighborhood of Make Believe, or whatever that town is called with the hand puppets and the humans who have to crawl underneath the tracks to go talk to King Friday the Thirteenth or Daniel the pussy tiger who's always whining about something absolutely ridiculous. And what's up with that floating museum run by the lady with the red nose?



The other day I was watching, and it featured a psychedelic purple panda bear that was really an alien who could teleport. If you don't think it should be on this list, there's something wrong with you.

5. Lazy Town


Okay, let me get this right. There's this town, Lazy Town. It's inhabited by about six or seven puppets and one guy who is half human/half puppet named Robbie Rotten who lives in an underground lair trying to cause trouble all the time. Enter Stephanie, a human, who comes to live with her uncle, a puppet. (Errr?) The hero of the show is an Icelandic superhero named Sportacus who floats over the town in a blimp and comes down whenever there is danger. Whenever Sportacus moves, horns herald each of his movements.


There's sort of a weird angel/demon thing going on with Robbie and Sportacus characters. It's also notable the Icelandic Magnús Scheving, the guy who plays Sportacus is also the creator of the show.

4. Oobi

Talking hands.



You have to get the Noggin channel to see this one. It's about "Oobi," a four-year-old hand, his little sister, Uma, his grandfather, Grampu, and his best friend, Kako. (Kako, incidentally, is voiced by Noel McNeal, most well-known as the voice of Bear in Bear in the Big Blue House.)

I can't imagine how this show came about. "We only have twenty bucks in our budget, and we need another show! What do we do?" It has its moments. Really little kids seem to enjoy it. My favorite character in this one is one of Oobi's friends. I can't remember the name, but it's a foot. (edit 5/24/06. The name is "Freida." Thanks, anonymous!) The foot floats around with the hands playing ball and going to the park. I would give anything to see the human pretzel behind-the-scenes logistics on that one.

Still, there's something creepy about the whole thing. How do these hand creatures move around? How do they go to the bathroom? There's something they ain't telling us, and I don't like it one bit.


3. The Doodlebops

Disney Channel. They're clowns. They're a band. They're Canadian. The two male band members are so flaming, Richard Simmons asks them to tone it down. They play instruments whilst wearing those giant gloves, and I don't know how they do it.


"We want to eat your children."

They practice (and live?) in a space similar to PeeWee's Playhouse, but not as cool, and they're constantly playing concerts, but they never leave town.



2. BooBah.

*Shudder*


Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Have you seen this show? I repeat. WTF?

I almost didn't include this on the list because it's not currently aired in my local PBS Kids lineup, but it does still appear on the PBS Kids homepage, so I'm assuming it's still available to local affiliates to broadcast.

BooBah is Teletubbies on acid. (In fact, it was created by Anne Wood, the grandmamma of Teletubbies.) It features five colorful blob things with names like Zing Zing Zinbah and Jingbah. The show involves these creatures running around like they're having a seizure for a few minutes, and then it cuts to "Storyworld" where a multicultural family of six (and their little dog, too) stand there like zombies and do what they're told, all while they grin like they've just been slipped the date rape drug.

I don't like this show. It's weird, and it gives me nightmares. It's supposed to teach kids about movement and math, but I suspect it's secretly funded by a psychiatrist lobby trolling for future customers.


1. Higglytown Heroes.

I dare you to watch this show and not have it ruin your life with nightmares.

Another Disney Channel darling. The premise of this show scares the ever-loving crap out of me, and I want it off the air immediately. It's about a group of four friends and a squirrel, all of whom also happen to be Russian nesting dolls. You know, these things:



Only in the show, they're living, breathing creatures. Yet they still nest when they have to go someplace. First the crew cut kid opens up at the belly, and the squirrel climbs in, then the black girl does the same, all the way to the fat blonde kid who is in charge of taking them wherever they want to go.



I guess it's dumb luck that this particular group of friends all happen to stack perfectly with one another. And what if the fat kid decides he doesn't want to let the others out? How long can they live broken apart like that?

I don't think I want to know, but I can't help but ask myself these questions.

(edit) I just learned Jay Jay the Jet Plane is still shown in my area (on Saturday mornings at 4:30 am, but that still counts). If it were on this list, I'd put it between number 3 and number 2, but I'll leave it off for now. I'll eventually make a post about the PBS Kids Death Curse, and I'll include it then.

If you like this list, please consider bookmarking my blog.

Also, be sure to check out my books Trailer Park Fairy Tales and The Shivered Sky



353 comments:

  1. Creepy. Good thing I don' thave kids and if I had them, I'd never let them watch TV.

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  2. Holy crap dude. Definitely some creepy crap goin on.

    Yeah Oobi is creepy, incredibly creepy. If I were on drugs, I'd think the end was nigh.

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  3. What, no Barney?


    One of the hands on Oobi belongs to the same puppeteer as Bear from Bear in the Big Blue House.

    What, didn't recognize the hand? :)

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  4. random fact: the music for Boobah is done by Boards of Canada

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  5. I grew up with one of the doodlebops guys and yeah, he's flaming. Not that theres anything wrong with that.

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  6. Fruity Pie

    Chinese guy

    in Grandma drag

    he sings....

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  7. Boards of Canada? The same band that deliberately put Satanic messages on their album "Geogaddi"? Like the song "The Devil Is in the Details", and the fact that the album is exactly 66:06 long. Not to mention that eerie tape-wobble effect in every one of their tunes. All proof that Boobah, like Sesame Street's Bert, is EVIL.

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  8. I heard an interview with Fred Rogers. The interview was with Diane Rehm on NPR; it was quite possibly the slowest moving interview I have ever heard. It was auditory Thorazine. From just about every account I've heard, the Fred Rogers you saw on the show was very much the real him, not some personality he put on.

    And dear lord, there's something creepier than Boohbah?

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  9. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  10. Having a child, I have sat through about half of the shows listed. Boobahs are from a bad acid trip. Dora isn't that bad. I have seen all of the Backyardigans - they really should be #11 on the list. Crazy Town is about getting kids to exercise I think - not sure. Stay away from the Boobah.

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  11. Wanna know the freaky part about Mr. Rogers? That creepy, overly kind never to anger man was a freakin Marine. With combat experiance in Korea. I could not see that man running a bayonet through a gook, smiling ear to ear.

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  12. BooBah is indeed creepy. My kids happen to see it one day and they were laughing so hard I had to take a look for myself...they kept calling them the "farty things". They keep making this farting noise when they dance around funny and yet disturbing.

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  13. You missed posting a pic of the whole reason why Lazy Town is still on the air - the hot Icelandic guy jumping around in spandex. Yum.

    Higgly Town Heros is indeed heinous, but at the very least they have They Might be Giants doing their theme song (and if I remember, some other music too). Though it seems like TMBG will do a theme for just about anyone these days...

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  14. Enjoyed the list... but for the Anonymous post about Mr. Rogers - untrue.

    http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/mrrogers.asp

    There's enough misinformation on the net. Don't contribute.

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  15. Patrick McKinnion5/04/2006 3:44 AM

    What? No Wiggles??

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  16. The worst thing about Higley Town Heros is ... Everyone is a flipping hero. For doing their job.

    Dialog from the show:
    Here comes the plumber. Yea ! He stopped the leak ! Yea ! He's a hero.

    Now if the plumber died plugging the leak in the dam, then he's a hero.

    Don't cheapen the hero qualities with everyday actions.

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  17. does anyone remember under the umbrella tree? that show was awsome...

    The episode i remember best is the one where iggy makes a machine to stretch himself out so he can be taller. (God only knows why i cant remember...)

    Now that i think about it that was a wierd show. A single woman living with a talking gopher, iguana, and blue jay...

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  18. Fred Rogers wasn't creepy! He was soothing, and nice, and calm. SO much different from the "everybody scream!" style of of kids TV we see today. He wasn't targeted at any specific age, and he wasn't afraid to use words we (the viewer) didn't know, cause he would explain the words afterwards.

    When he passed on, I cried. He was a true Icon and last of a generation.

    What belongs up there? Bozo the clown. Clowns = Creepy.

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  19. Five bucks says the one that cried when Mr. Rogers died is from Pittsburgh.

    He was born there -- and they worship him like some sort of cult leader. I lived there for a year, and saw flyers for FIVE different Mr. Rogers events in that one year.

    All of them post-mortem.

    THAT is creepy, my friends.

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  20. HaHa! I actually refer to Lazy Town as Creepy Town and refuse to let my daughter watch it.

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  21. I think what creeps most people out about Mister Rogers is that he was what people are 'sposed to be like, not like we are.

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  22. Dude, where are the frickn' Wiggles? Why are they not on your list? I mean they want kids to join their gay Australian Star Trek cult. That just creepy.

    Oh great! Now I have that song in my head: 'In the Wiggles world...'

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  23. I've been awake for about 30ish hours so please excuse any spelling mistakes contained in this comment. (World of Warcraft addiction)

    Does no one remember these?

    -Polka Dot Shorts
    -Bananas in Pyjamas
    -Eureka's Castle

    There are more, as a Canadian I've found most of the creepiest childrens programming originates here.

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  24. Who is that voice on the mysterious megaphones that pop up out of the ground?

    Trillian. This means something.

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0225549/

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  25. Fred Rogers was never a marine. Never a sniper. All urban legend. Your top 10 list could just as well be my kids favorite 10 shows... ...yes, I own a pair of "oobie eyes".

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  26. Any list like this that doesn't include the Wiggles is NOT complete. If nothing else, they should've made #1 for finding the four creepiest men in the world and putting them together as a group to entertain kids.

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  27. This should have been a top 5. After Lazy town, which is creepy, you're stretching on the rest.

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  28. what really bothers me about Fred (MR.)Rodgers is the fact his middle name is mc. feeley. Yes its true, check it out. I find the fact that he likes children and his middle name of mc feeley extremely disturbing.

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  29. At least Mr. Rogers was on PBS without paid-for corporate advertising indoctrinating us all with their one dimensional profit motive. And yes, PBS encourages free riders; let us all recognize the market failure…

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  30. I hear the Wiggles tour the pubs of Sydney (or some other Aussie town) as a pub rock band. Doing much of their own material and covers of early 70s rock and roll.

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  31. You failed to mention Pee Wee's Playhouse.

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  32. Same poster who cried. I wasn't born in Pittsburgh, but my folks were from there. I watched Fred Rogers growing up. I even met him once (when I was in my late teens). He was possibly the nicest, calmest person ever.

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  33. i grew up in h.r. puff-n-stuff, and i turned out to be a huge freak. but even the boobah's scare me....

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  34. Circle Six... low budget Christian automotons, with puppets...

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  35. anastasia_aj5/04/2006 7:21 AM

    I'm really surprised no one mentioned "Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy"--wonderfully family oriented cartoon where a little blonde girl 'won control' of the Grim Reaper, and her retarded ADHD brother keeps them all in shenanigans--such as Billy eating so much chocolate that he turns into a chocolate person, and eats himself--niiiiiiccceee.....

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  36. COMFY COUCH

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  37. In the mornings, the kids will climb into my bed, turn on the TV, and I'll wake up to Dora, so I have come to loathe her and the map that talks like he's constipated.

    But the Doodlebops is definately the worst. Flame or not, they is teh wrong and teh ghey.

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  38. What about "Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends?" A cartoon on Noggin about a large female spider who has like 8 adopted insect children. What the hell is this? A spider taking in insect kids? Is she trying to fatten them up to eat later?

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  39. Billy isn't Mandy's brother, they're just friends. And that's also one of the rockinest shows ever!

    Anyone ever see the Kids Next Door on Cartoon Network? There's one episode with a vampire who has an obsession with spanking children. I think that's kinda creepy.

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  40. The most disturbing thing on this page is that someone found Mr. Rogers creepy for being how we are supposed to be and not how most of us are.

    In the old days, that was called being a role model. Confucius advocated emulating people like that; we regard them as creepy.

    I'll take a host of purple pandas and talking platypuses over a nation of cynical gits anyday.

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  41. I completely concur on Higglytown Heroes. I was watching with my little girl and I almost pooped myself the first time they all disassembled themselved and jumped into the fat kid.

    Same on the Backyardigans. WTF is Uniqua? They can sing really good, though.

    With Dora, I'm always wondering a few things, even aside from the points you mentioned.
    1.) Dora's head is unbelievably huge, even by cartoon standards. How does she take her shirt off?
    2.) What the hell kind of thought occurred to the monkey that made him start wearing boots, yet no underwear or any other clothes?
    3.) Dora must smell bad or something, because the only other humans on the show are ones are her family.

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  42. It's going back a few years, ok, a few decades, but Charles Neslon Reily starring in Lidsville was the most creepiest show ever. The Wiggles are tame compared to that show.

    It was kind of an offshoot of H.R. PuffNStuff...on crack.

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  43. I have kids and all these shows are in our heavy rotation. Fortunately, the gay Wiggles never caught on with our bunch. And no, there's not anything wrong with being gay - but there is something VERY wrong about being a "Wiggle". Chock full of crystal-meth and vegemite. Never trust Australian millionaires in matching shirts, mate. Fruit salad - yummy yummy - Bite me, Wiggles.

    Pulling out a great big old can of hate on Dora and her creepy cousin, Diego. All they do for the entire damn show is spur your kids on to yell at the television - IN SPANISH, no less! It's like my home is the short-order kitchen at Tippy's Tacos! Why don't you go ahead and encourage the kids to knee Daddy in the groin you exploring bitch! Explore this!

    And back in the day, cartoons were confined to a three or four period on Saturday mornings. Throw in a little Schoolhouse Rock to bump up the "educational value" and you're money. Now there are whole cable networks dedicated to these horrible shows! At least Bugs Bunny had the balls to flat out bean Elmer Fudd on the dome with a frying pan once in awhile. Pissant Dora has my kids standing guard and screaming when that bastard Swiper creeps up on her. I'd go ACME on that thieving fur coat. Bugs would have no patience with that flea-bag. STOP steaming up my tail!

    Still, I guess I could get off my lazy ass and engage my children. At least they're learning the requisite language to get anything done in the world today. All they'd get from me is banged up grammar and some universally accepted hand gestures.

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  44. Has anyone seen the new show "Big Big World"?
    I think it should as least get a runner up nod.

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  45. a little blonde girl 'won control' of the Grim Reaper, and her retarded ADHD brother keeps them all in shenanigans

    Bill isn't her brother, dumbass. He's her neighbor.

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  46. All time creepiest has to be Zoobilee Zoo. Totally nuts.

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  47. We need more shows like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood on TV. What would you recommend, that kids be left to watch Spongebob?

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  48. The chick from The Doodlebops is actually quite attractive outside of the costume.

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  49. I'm surprised nobody mentioned The Great Space Coaster. Or perhaps that's too old for most readers. Still:

    TGSCoaster.com

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  50. Is that Grandmama chick on Boobah on crack, meth, or both?

    She's creepier than the Boobahs themselves...

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  51. Uh .. the doodle bops are like Celine Dion, and Bryan Adams. They may have COME from Canada, but the US can keep them.

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  52. any such list without Xuxa loses all credibility.

    "Many parents were taken aback by her seemingly open displays of sexuality and lack of modest clothing as well as her practice of putting on bright red lipstick and kissing the cheeks of prepubescent males at the end of each show."

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  53. When I was a child I watched Road Runner....who was always being chased after by a homicidal coyote! HE was always playing with something dangerous....guns, canons....dynamite. Come on these shows aren't the greatest but then we aren't 5 years old anymore!
    My daughter watches and enjoys several of these shows.

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  54. The fact that Sid and Marty Krofft are not mentioned makes this list invalid.

    H.R. Pufnstuf anyone?

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  55. i work with brain damaged adults, and they love love love Dora.... what does that tell you??? And by the way... BARNEY is the antichrist. AND yes, I have kids...and no..they aren't allowed to watch either.

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  56. Am I the only one who finds the female clown on Doodlebugs excessively smokin hot?

    /What?

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  57. wow, you must have a boring life...

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  58. ANYONE CREEPED OUT BY, ITS A BIG BIG WORLD, BESIDES ME?

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  59. Boobah look like uncircumcised penises.

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  60. I'd have included Dragon Tales and taken off Mr. Rogers.

    Dragon Tales: the show where they say a chant while holding a dragon scale so their wallpaper comes to life and whisks Max and Emmy out of the room and out of the house even though the kids never even bothered to tell their parents they were leaving.

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  61. What about the wiggles???

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  62. Something or other5/04/2006 9:09 AM

    I can't believe none of you lame nobdies can remember Pipkins! Or the original Rainbow! I'm not actaully that old, but I remember kids TV the way it should be made (ie by British TV companies).

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  63. While I agree about the eerily hermetic nature of Dora's Map (remember that in Eco's Foucault's Pendulum, it was a changing map of telluric currents that got everyone into trouble?), I have to say there is no children's show character that will send me into a flying rage faster than Boots the Monkey. That critter is dumber than a bag of dead gastropods.

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  64. it all frightens me and I've been killed once already..but I got better :)

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  65. I don't think I have laughed this hard in a while..all these shows are extra creepy but I still have nightmares about the Wiggles! That one cambodian looking man just freaks me out!

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  66. Is it just me or does the Robbie Rotten look like Bruce Campbell (the beloved B-movie actor)

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  67. Can I ask what scares people about these shows? I agree that they can be creepy in some respects but I think we're going a little overboard here.

    It sounds like the shows scare the adults and play on thier fears more than the kids. Kids tend to have one thing that adults lose - imagination.

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  68. I have always thought Dora was creepy, even when it first came out. I am so glad I am not the only one who feels this way!

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  69. does anyone remember "Kid Video" from the 80's. THat show was super creepy...

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  70. what about pee wee's playhouse?

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  71. and we want to know why are children are going crazy.... because we let them watch this crap so that we can watch frekin american idol or wife swap or some other b.s. show....and i find that a grown man dancing with a little girl a little wierd but hey canadians like that kind of thing i guess.....teh map is crazy but i am learning spanish the new language of the u.s. see ya

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  72. Jay Jay the Jet Plane is definitely #1. Thank God it's off my PBS line up. Also, Caillou. Is he a chemo patient? Those wacky Canadians....

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  73. I gotta agree on Lazy Town and the Doodblebops.......they are both creepy. I might want to put in a vote for "Tiny Planets" too. Bing, Bong and Halle and those mysterious Flockers. I do like the theme song though.......

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  74. I do have kids, and these shows are on my "NO YOU MAY NOT WATCH THIS CRAP!!!!!!" list.
    I have gotten such horrid nightmares from this stuff, it's nausea-inducing horror!
    one thing you forgot on the list though is sesame street. I get the creeps from those freaky things, especially elmo.

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  75. I know why Backyardigans is creepy to me.

    It was just on and I realized my toenails hurt.

    They totally remind me of the fungus creatures who go into the guy's toenails in that horrible anti-toenail-fungus-pill commercial.

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  76. Agree With Most Of The List,EXCEPT For Mr. Rogers...

    I Met Mr. Rogers In Washington DC At The Air & Space Museum Back In 1991 With 2 Of My Friends...We Had Just Come From A Funeral At Arlington,And Were In Full Dress Uniforms,When We Decided To Go There As A Tribute To Our Friend Who We Just Buried.
    Mr. Rogers Was There Filming Footage For His Show,And Was Taking A Break. He Was Walking By Us And Noticed We Looked Sad,And Asked Us If Everything Was OK?
    We Told Him Of Where We Had Just Come From,And That We Were There To Look Around And Think Of Our Friend. He Proceded To Console Us,And Said He Would Say A Prayer for Our Friend.

    We Talked For About 20 Minutes,And The Whole Time,He Kept Telling Us To Call Him 'Fred",Since We Kept Calling Him 'Mr. Rogers'...We Couldn't Do It,It Seemed Wrong For Us To Call Him By His First Name (Seems Silly,Right?).

    He Was The Nicest Man I Have EVER Known...And I Will Cherish That Moment Forever.

    As For The Doodlebop "Men"...
    A Gay Day Parade Consisting Of Elton John,Nathan Lane,Rosie O'Donnel And Ellen Degeneris,All Wearing Pink Rinestone Studded Ballet Tutus Singing "It's Raining Men" And "I Will Survive"....Is Less Gay Than Those Two Guys Are!

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  77. I'm a bit older but none of these even rank up with two of the oddest of all time. Anyone remember "The Banana Splits" or "Sigmund the Sea Monster" ?

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  78. My four year olddaughter Nora watches Dora, and gets pretty mad.
    Dora: Can you help me find all the....?
    Nora: I am not sup'osed to
    Dora: Great! They are all....
    Nora: I am not going to help you
    Dora: Thanks!
    Nora: I SAID NO!

    She can always find a relevent lesson in Billy and Mandy; Don't go through other people's stuff...Don't eat things you find lying about...Don't pick your nose...

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  79. As a child my mother would often suggest I watch Mr. Rogers, she didn't notice that he was creepy. finally my father explained to her what I obviously had picked up as a three year old...that he was just to creepy to trust. She was so upset but I was never forced to watch it again.

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  80. When my three-year-old saw boobah for the first time (it used to come on after sesame street), he cried. He was whimpering and howling like it was the worst nightmare he had ever had.

    Now tell me that show isnt creepy.

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  81. Unfortunately, as someone said above the worst childrens shows seem to originate from canada. Take "The Wiggles" for instance. You get weirdos like this http://www.treehousetv.com/parents/tvShows/img/show_wiggles.jpg
    Doing the weirdest shit you could ever imagine.

    Here's another gem, toy castle.
    http://www.treehousetv.com/parents/tvShows/img/show_toy_castle.jpg

    Lesbian Balerina's? Unfortunately no such luck. THere are plenty of men in very tight tights. It makes me sick to my stomach to watch.

    Also, who could leave out the Big Comfy Couch?

    http://www.treehousetv.com/parents/tvShows/big_comfy_couch/index.asp?showid=5

    What a bunch of weirdos.

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  82. NANALAN' is creeeee-pyyyyyy.
    How many senior women are that perky?
    And who creates a main character with a vocabulary of no more that four words? Get that kid to talk already!

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  83. Great post! Someone way up the comments list posted:
    "Who is that voice on the mysterious megaphones that pop up out of the ground?

    Trillian. This means something."

    Did you notice she was also in "The Tomorrow People?" Now THAT was a weird-ass show!

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  84. Patrick McKinnion5/04/2006 10:58 AM

    Can't blame Canada for the Wiggles, that's Australia's fault.

    Another one, "It's a Big Big World". Am I the only one who thinks that Snook the Sloth is a freaking STONER???? I think they were trying for "slow and deliberate" and it came out "wasted and baked to the gills".

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  85. I'm sorry, but the Boobahs HAVE to be number 1, even beyond the Russian dolls.

    My 4 year old niece actually cries when the show comes on, because it scared her when she was like, 2.

    This is a childrens show that SCARES children.


    And don't get my started on the thoughts of how the multicultural family came to be. A few friends and I worked out the marraige/divorce/infidelity set-up and it's dowright scary.

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  86. The creepiest Children's show I ever saw was a German one. It was a green puppet with an obvious penis for a nose. In the episode I saw, the green puppet became enraged at some beach tourists for littering. In retaliation, the green puppet sprayed the beach-goers with it's penis nose. Does anyone know what this show was called?

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  87. I dont know how we forgot the Wiggles. What a novel idea. Lets have 4 grown men who entertain our children (has anyone heard of pedophiles?). The crazy thing is I actually coughed up 80 bucks to take my daughter to see them and they were just as weird in person!

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  88. "the wiggles" has got to be one of the worst ones. i'll take hands and puppets over creepy perverted-looking over-stimulated 30-somethings anyday :)

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  89. Higglytown Heroes is a Communist plot. Everyone's supposed to be satisfied with their lives being a pizza delivery man and a garbage truck driver, and they're all so happy.

    It's a plot to keep the Proletariat down.

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  90. http://www.hitentertainment.com/oswald/uk/intro.html

    I can't believe you didn't mention Oswald! The first time I saw that show, I seriously thought someone put LSD in my food. Paper dolls? Eggs? Daisies? Weenie looks like a hotdog! The penguin is Squiggy! The bakery is a giant cake! WTF?!?!

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  91. Totally creepy!

    Does anyone remember The Banana Splits? http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/tv/kids/bananasplits.htm I still have nightmares about that show!

    "One banana, two banana, three banana, four. Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more."

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  92. Nitpick: The Wiggles are from Australia.

    Yeah, This list needs a heapin' helpin' of the Kroffts. You would have to lump everything they ever made under a single entry just to have room for anything else on the list at all! At the very least, H.R. himself needs to be up there.

    Anyone remember Today's Special? Fruity guy in a stretchy outfit Richard Simmons would think tacky, and a goofy floppy hat. And that irritating rhyming mouse puppet *shudder*

    As for Mr. Rogers...I have my own kids now. I only wish that I could raise a person half as kind and tolerant as he was. He was one of the few people to ever grace the small screen that deserved to be considered a role model. In this day and age, we'll never see his like again.

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  93. Nitpick: The Wiggles are from Australia.

    Yeah, This list needs a heapin' helpin' of the Kroffts. You would have to lump everything they ever made under a single entry just to have room for anything else on the list at all! At the very least, H.R. himself needs to be up there.

    Anyone remember Today's Special? Fruity guy in a stretchy outfit Richard Simmons would think tacky, and a goofy floppy hat. And that irritating rhyming mouse puppet *shudder*

    As for Mr. Rogers...I have my own kids now. I only wish that I could raise a person half as kind and tolerant as he was. He was one of the few people to ever grace the small screen that deserved to be considered a role model. In this day and age, we'll never see his like again.

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  94. Being a kid in the 60's and 70's, there were plenty of twisted & bizarre Saturday morning shows that could make your list or at least honorable mention.

    Bugaloos
    H.R. Pufnstuf
    Lidsville
    Banana Splits
    Sigmund & the Sea Monsters
    Reluctant Dragon & Mr. Toad
    Uncle Croc's Block
    The Krofft Supershow
    Snorks (80's) <- Aaaahhhh!!!!
    Smurfs (80's) <- Another Aaaahhhh!!
    Pee Wee's Playhouse (80's) <- Stoner stuff...

    Since then, I've fought my boy over which shows he can watch. Your list has covered most of them but there are a few more.

    BARNEY <- Agree, the AntiChrist...
    Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy <- Sick!
    Ed, Edd, & Eddie <- Twisted..

    Of course, with a good bong and a healthy stash, most of these are hilarious...

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  95. I agree about the Doodlebops, completely. You've omitted that Bing and Bong show from Disney, which is truly disturbing. Also, you call Dora pudgy--dude that's harsh. Also, Sunny Patch has a spider mom with fly kids, very weird.

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  96. Forgot about Rem & Stimpy, too...

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  97. i say the creepier the better. no American child is being raised right if they're not having nightmares and getting prepared for they sucky and equally creepy part of life called adulthood.

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  98. yes, i am in fact creeped out

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  99. Anybody remember Fraggle Rock? The Fraggles always escaping death from being eaten by that dog, or escaping death by not becoming slaves to those hideous monsters that always tried to capture them? Not to mention, always breaking out into god-awful songs. Eh, it was entertaining when I was young, even had the stuffed animals, but looking in hindsight, definetly disturbing.

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  100. Am I the only one who thinks almost EVERYTHING on the Cartoon Network is creepy? There is some weeeeeiiird shit on that station.

    Also, Little Bear creeps me out. Why is he naked but his parents aren't?

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  101. This was friggin hilARious. Oobi has got to be the cheapest piece of sh*t cartoon I have ever seen. Forget $20 they had about 50 cents left. And if you stare too long at their fingernails you'll really get creeped out. I guess we've come a long way from those scary assed birds on the Brady Bunch Cartoon....but still.

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  102. The BEST Canadian children's show to date, by far, is The Hilarious House of Frieghtenstien. Billy Zane rocked as the Count, the wolfman, etc. The show was great. Between kickin' 60's tunes played by the wolfman, the gorilla that was always trying to dodge the golfball (or golfballs). The Pet Vet, Grammar Slammer Bammer, Igor. Man, if you guys didn't see that show, you didn't live.

    It might explain why I'm on Paxil now....

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  103. The Wiggles scare the s*** out of me!
    I only have daughters - little ones - they don't like Dora (boring) and sometimes they end up watching those fairies, I mean, Wiggles.
    If I had a boy I would never allow him to watch those guys... unless until he would make up his mind about his own sexuality.
    Tha pirate is a serious mental case and the dinossaur is plainly scary.
    It's a big miss in this list!
    Giv'em a "hors concours" medal!

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  104. Fantastic job.

    One suggestion if you were to lengthen the list:

    The Wiggles.

    Holy crap, talk about creepy.

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  105. As much as Dora, Backyardigans and Teletubbies annoy me, I have to admit they are some of the better shows on TV for younger age groups.

    Barney, Big Big World, Comfy Couch, those are all freaky bad.

    Oh and Caillou, or however the heck you spell it. He is a spoiled misbehaving brat that should just a good old fashioned swat on the rear, and be told to go to his room until he can stop with the whining.

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  106. What was the name of that British show that had "Captain Pugwash" and "Seaman Stains" in it? Yes, SEAMAN STAINS what kind of name is that???

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  107. Yeah, and the crap we watched as kids wasn't freaky? HR Pufnstuf wasn't on crack? Sigmund and the Sea Monsters? Include all the shows about cars with personalities!!

    We're just making sure our kids are as screwed up as we are.

    Boobahs need to go, though!

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  108. Okay, you rule. I should have thought up this topic much sooner. I have been positively STEWING about an episode of WonderPets that I saw last week! The one where they sang while the dolphin was drowning??? AUUUUUGHHH! "Your writing really spoke to me" (as a mother of three under eight, how could it NOT?).

    Does anyone remember Lidsville???

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  109. After mid-terms I was relaxing w/ a hitter when I came across BooBah.I started taping it to show my housemates.Briefly,we got some shrooms and watched three dif. shows and have never been the same.Very trippy & super creepy.

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  110. ZOOBOOMAFOO! The super-gay overtones and double entendre are so creepy.

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  111. Anyone remember Mr. Goodbody?

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  112. I'm 31 and when I was 8 or 9 I used to love watching The Great Space Coaster. I still remember one of the famous lines from the show: "No g'news is good g'news."
    That was Gary Gnu's line. How would you rate The Great Space Coaster? Creepy or not and what number would you rank it at?

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  113. I thought, "Where's The Wiggles?" Before I started to comment, I did a Control-F to see if anyone else thought of this. It seems that EVERYONE thought of The Wiggles. I really don't like that guy in the purple. He creeps me out. How bad is The Wiggles? Here's their link. They're bad. http://www.thewiggles.com.au/

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  114. How about an Over The Hill loser who sits around watching Children's Television. Now that is creepy. *shudder*

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  115. How about an Over The Hill loser who sits around watching Children's Television. Now that is creepy. *shudder*

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  116. I don't like the Wiggles. But my kids do.
    But isn't that the point, people? And why is it that the Wiggles creep you out? Because they are four grown men who genuinely care about kids and love their job entertaining? If it was four women, no one would care.

    I sooooo agree with the list. But Doodlebops should be first. I don't let my kids watch ANY of the shows on this list!!!

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  117. I'm so happy mine have graduated to Spongebob. I can't sleep at night if I've seen Boobah, Teletubbies or the freakish Barkyadigans.

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  118. "Anonymous said...

    How about an Over The Hill loser who sits around watching Children's Television. Now that is creepy. *shudder* "

    First of all, 32 is not Over The Hill, you fucktard.

    Second of all, this man has CHILDREN. So, yeah, maybe he watches what his children watch. It's called good parenting.

    Third, how about a loser who reads blogs to insult the author? That's creepy. *shudder*

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  119. I have yet to see Higley Town Heros. Also, Comfy Comfy Couch should definitely have been on here, even if it's not aired anymore. I wholeheartedly agree with the Boobah thing, but I have another theory. I think they're an alien brainwashing cult out to get children. Notice how they come out of nowhere at the beginning and then leave in those little pod things at the end.

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  120. Boobahs...deffinetly CREEPY!!!

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  121. I've met Fred Rogers. Went to elementary school with his kids. He was the same in "real life" as he was on the show. A great guy.

    As for Boobah...my CAT loves to watch it. That should tell you the intelligence level of the show.

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  122. In seattle, boobah is on at 3am on hi-def PBS. Perfect for when you get home home from the clubs and you don't want your trip to end.

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  123. For retro creepiness, don't forget:

    Gumby & Pokey - What exactly does he poke? What was that dinosaur-looking thing? A "Zoobie" I believe? Isn't that a counter-culture/hippy/pinko/subversive term for "doobie"?

    Sampson -- Really BAD "Christian Values" copy of Gumby - without all the sex, drugs and violence

    Popeye -- "He's tough to the finish 'cuz he SMOKES his spinach..." Both Popeye and Bluto bludgeoned, disemboweled, gouged, stabbed, impaled and sado-masochistically tortured each other over the affections of an anorexic brunette.

    Scooby-Doo -- First cartoon to prominently feature two stoners as main characters. Why do you think that Shaggy was so laid back and hungry all the time? Why do you think that Scooby was so paranoid (and hungry) all the time? Life would have been infinitely better WITHOUT those meddling kids...

    Jot -- a story about some dot. Also in the "Christian Values" vein. Five minutes of this one and your head will explode - or at least lapse into a saccharin-induced coma.

    Tooter Turtle and Mr. Wizard -- Now we know what he was tooting to get the "Tooter" moniker. Mr. Wizard was his pusher, obviously -- he always bailed Tooter out of a bad acid trip. Stop cutting the product with Drano, Mr. Wizard. This is your brain on "Mr. Wizard"

    Flintstones - The men were all inflicted with elephantitis of the feet. Fred and Barney always had a five o'clock shadow. Bam-Bam made fun of the developmentally-disabled. Betty was bangable, if she'd just keep her mouth shut. Betty more so than Wilma...(Sorry. I got carried away with the Betty comment).

    Finally, la pièce de résistance:

    NEW ZOO REVIEW -- WTF, indeed. Freddie the Frog was so bizarre that it made you want to shoot your TV a la Elvis. Henrietta has a serious glandular problem. Charlie must have faked his credentials, and Doug saw absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with talking animals. Not only that, Doug was openly gay, because any hetero male would have moved in with Emmy Jo and gotten that proverbial "...milk for free..." if you catch my drift. If you happen to catch it, watch for Emmy Jo in the short miniskirts of the '70s...and then check yourself into rehab for Methadone treatments, because this one will cause serious brain damage.

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  124. You missed Go Diego Go.... and the fact that Dora racially profiles Swiper!!! That fox is bad because he's expected to me (see mail episode)

    But the map, the talking backpack? forgiveable!!! but diego has the mighty morphing backpack!! "what shall I be? A jetski, a hang glider, a giant vibrating flashlight?

    But everything else is true, and Mr. Rodgers? More racist thing I've heard in a long time. Especially when they have an irish guy who has problems with the phone.

    Those lazy town is so freaking unholesome. I love Robbie rotten (great actor) But Sportacus can't walk 3 steps to the wall of gadgets, he flips onto the table of gadget, flips off the table of gadgets and then does a wall flip... He rides down on... not a hang glider, not a blimp, but a bicycle with a little fan on the back, and let's remember he lives in a blimp.

    And that doesn't even bring up the fact of the third live actor. Who has a song every episode and is the definition of Pedophilia. And of ocurse no one notices the fact these three are different.

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  125. To be fair, our generation had Eureka's Castle. Watch that again and tell me (a) that it makes sense and (b) the musical cut scenes don't bother you.

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  126. The problem with Dora is that she is ALWAYS YELLING. Why does she have to SHOUT HER LINES constantly? Who wants to watch a show where the main character is ALWAYS YELLING? Sheesh. Girl, use your indoor voice!

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  127. these are the shows i used to watch when i was a kid.. about 15 years ago...
    Bananas in Pyjamas
    Eureka's Castle
    sesame street (before it got all super-smart let's teach kids algebra at four!)
    rugrats
    thomas the tank engine (the ones with George Carlin narrating)
    and random saturday morning cartoons.

    I babysit a three year old sometimes on weekdays, and i swear the only shows he lets me put on are Thomas the Tank Engine and Little Einsteins.
    I once made the mistake of leaving the TV on after Einsteins when i went to make snacks, and he started yelling from the living room to turn the tv off.
    he has 2 Einsteins DVDs, a Thomas DVD, and we have comcast digital cable with free kids shows stuff on it so we'll watch the old Thomas stuff with George Carlin narrating. I don't like the new ones as much.. haha

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  128. The Doodlebops: Witness the return of Sid and Marty Kroft.

    Just wait till Chaka shows up.

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  129. Late in the day leaving a comment, because I've been cleaning the Pee off me seat from laughing so hard earlier. Great example of the decline of western society!

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  130. I had never HEARD of teletubbies until I saw my nephew playing with a "laa laa" toy that would say, "e-o" or something everytime it's stomach was squeezed. I don't think I've ever been so terrified of a toy. I'm so glad that I only watched Tom and Jerry while growing up ;)

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  131. WTF!!!! I pine for the good ol days of roadrunner, bugs bunny and wiley coyote to name a few... when violence was expected and encouraged for petes sake!!Oh for a safe to come out of nowhere and to fall on the heads of these "childrens shows"charecters heads.

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  132. I've watched all these shows, some still on a daily basis. My son likes Diego--Dora's cousin who doesn't have a mutant head. I find myself having debates with Diego and his backpack.

    Lazy Town creeps me out, mostly Robbie Rotten, with his weird plastic face. Sportacus needs to shave that mustache. Luckily, my son doesn't like the show.

    In retrospect, one of the weirdest shows I remember of my youth starred a man with a Richard Simmons-esque afro who wore a spandex bodysuit illustrating his various organs and bones! He looked like he'd been skinned from the neck down! What was that show called?

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  133. There are a lot of creepy shows out there, but it's mostly in the eye of the parental beholder. Myy daughter is 3 1/2, and likes most of these shows, but thankfully is too old for Oobi and Boobah. Those are just wrong. Tiny Planets could have made the list, but it's less creepy in practice than in concept. interesting animation.

    The one that should have made the list, but didn't, in my opinion, is Maisy & Friends. The animation doesn't bother me too much; it's simple, and might be Czech Republic origin or something. What irritates the shit out of me is the jibberish dialogue, narrated so your toddler is supposed to know what's going on. Maisy has a friend named Charlie, a crocodile, and his voice is like an evil, drugged-out, incoherent Homer Simpson. Also, why would a crocodile hang with mice, chickens, and squirrels without chowing down? Why is a chicken or a mouse almost as big as an elephant or a crocodile? I digress, but this one should never have happened.

    Lots of good suggestions from the audience.

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  134. Me again, from last post. I forgot to gently flame the poster that came down hard on Oswald. That show is really well done for what it is, and sweet- it's so positive in what I think is the right way. It promotes imagination through a lot of different stimuli and I srongly recommend it. I don't know what the problem is with this one.

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  135. To the person who mentioned Bananas in Pajama's, I thought I was seeing things, we must have been on the same trip. Now that was a wierd show if it did indeed really exist. And I don't care what anyone says, Mr. Rogers was and still is creepy. Yes, I cried too when he died but he was creepy.

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  136. You left out Disney's "Out of the Box". I suppose because it isn't on anymore. Probably because it's about two adults who lure all the neighborhood children into their house for the day to play dress up and make crafts. They aren't day care providers...just two people, a woman and man who aren't married, who "built a clubhouse for the kids to play in"...but they don't have any of their own kids. Really creepy if you ask me. I refused to let my kids watch it.

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  137. Oswald is the creepiest kids show from the current generation. A big blue octopus living out of water with a hotdog and having a pair of hard boiled eggs and a daisy for friends...i mean wtf? Sounds more like someones really bad acid trip than a kids show. Of course there is also "Perfect Hair" on the cartoon network, I havent quite figured that one out yet, but the plot evidently deals with an ocd guy who travels with a flying talking hotdog and a walking talking tree.

    From my generation I would vote for New Zoo Review. I just never understood why Doug and Emmy Joe were the only people and how a frog, a hippo and an owl could all be the same humongus size.

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  138. There are a few different types of "creepiness".

    1) The first is the suspicion of fake friendliness -- Mr. Rogers can't be that nice, the Wiggles must be gay, and what's with the smiles on those kids in Barney? Sure, it is adult cynicism but our senses tell us that people who smile too hard are not to be trusted.

    2) Questionable values is creepy. What is Boohbah trying to teach? Why do they have a satanic group do the sound-track. And why, oh why, do their heads look and move exactly like penises? How possibly could the Boohbah creators get permission from the network to have characters with bald, dome-like heads that can retract into foreskin necks? Was everyone just too embarassed to point out what they saw?

    3) Jealousy. Face it, you wish you were as athletic as Sportacus!

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  139. My three year old loves the Wiggles. So did her five year old sister. I actually don't mind them that much.

    The absolute worst? The Doodlebops. What a lame rip off of the Bugaloos. I grew up on Sid & Marty Kroft shows like Lidsville, Sigmund, H.R. Pufunstuff, etc. They were great when I was a kid and now they are like a bad nightmare. Only good memories are of The Banana Splits.

    The Doodlebops HAVE to go. I'm writing to Disney to complain.

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  140. Several things: 1) Back when I saw my first TV show -- 1948; I was 3 then -- they had such gems as Thunderbolt the Wonder Colt, a seriously retarded hand-puppet venture. They also had some good ones then, but that's true now, as well. 2) On PeeWee Herman: it's adults that comprise(d?) the bulk of this show's audience. It contains a lot of subtle subtexts that adults spot instantly but which go right over the heads of children under, say, 12 (or maybe, by now, 6 -- these days, between public schools and the media, you can't be certain just how much your small child knows about sex and other adult concerns). 3) Boards of Canada: they provide the soundtrack for David Firth's "Salad Fingers" animations (http://shiveredsky.blogspot.com/2006/05/top-ten-weirdest-creepiest-freakiest.html). 'Nuff said. 4) Cat intelligence: I can see why a cat, a dedicated carnivore, would like Boobah -- the damned things look just like wiggly prey. 5) What the hell is wrong with role-models such as Mr. Rogers, anyway? Some faces/voices can set off an atypical aversive response by a few people because of genetic differences or something, but Mr. Rogers himself was always kind, gracious, civilized, and otherwise a great role-model. There's this "barbarian chic" attitude that finds everything civilized to be "creepy" or otherwise repellant. Okay, you barbarians go play Conan over there, and we civlized types will do our best to prevent our civilization from falling in spite of your best efforts. Okay? 6) Urban legends: Why are so many people so ready to believe thw worst about someone they don't even know on the strength of mere rumor from an unknown source? Why this delight in character assassination for the sake of it? 7) General comment: Looking over this list of weird children's TV shows and many of the comments on it, I no longer wonder why people have become progressively more ignorant, borderline psychotic, prone to borderline personality disorder, and otherwise dysfunctional. The question remaining is: How has the modern world lasted as long as it has? Maybe there is a kind, just God who doesn't want us to become extinct. Because I can't think how we have otherwise escaped the fate of all self-destructive species for so long. -- Polaris93 on LiveJournal (this thing won't let me create an account, so I have to use "anonymous" for a handle)

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  141. I have another NPR story about Mr. Rogers. I just heard a piece on This American Life about a kid who wrote to Mr. Rogers and his family ended up visiting him on Martha's Vinyard!! You've got to hear it. Mr. R's show was incredibly bizarre. I hated to watch it with my kids, luckily they didn't like it very much.

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  142. Oops -- put the wrong URL down for David Firth's site (which contain the Salad Fingers episodes): http://www.fat-pie.com/
    -- Polaris93 on LiveJournal

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  143. Don't forget Between the Lions. Now THAT show scares me.

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  144. Fred Rogers was a sniper in the military. Weird!

    The Doodle Bop pic is feaking hilarious. Creepy is putting it mildly, those dudes are seriously wacked.

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  145. Awww, but I LIKE Boobah. Say it...BOOOOOO BAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH~!
    Try watching it while stoned, it's a whole 'nother world out there.

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  146. I am 16 and I watched the doodlebops accidentally and I was freaking out it was the weirdest and creepiest stuff i have ever seen and I own a Happy Tree Friends dvd and those are really weird because it is extremely funny and violent cartoons with cute characters

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  147. Adult Swim...

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  148. Those who grew up in the Midwest in the US back in the 70s may remember a seriously f***ked up show called Gigglesnort Hotel. It rocked. They could NEVER get away with that show nowadays.

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  149. Alright, this is some funny stuff. There's more comments than the gov't shit that's going on! Boobahs are EVIL - Mr. Rogers talked like a pedo. - Ren&Stimpy were COOL - Barney is dead (someone told me that) - LAzy Town is a little f-ed up - What happened to Rocko's Modern Life? Now that was the s--- - Anyone remember "Lidsville"? - The single most f---ed up cartoon I have ever seen was "Bimbo's Initiation" Staring Betty Boop's dog Bimbo, it's from the 1920's but has got to top the drug-induced label - Talk to me - HAM

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  150. um yeah, ok I have my problems with some or the kids shows, but what EVERYONE here is NOT getting: We grew up and had to learn that these things "could-be" creepy...as a 3 4 or 5 year old child they dont see MEN IN TIGHTS, they see 3 PEOPLE singing and playing in the way they understand. I am sooo glad there were other people to make cartoons if they all made perfect sense as you are discussing...wow what would we have...And to the person who dosent let the kids watch 'out-of-the-box because they live together and dont have kids yadda yadda....HELLO Flippin get a CLUE...they are in retrospect just 2 people having a fun-day teaching the kids some cool lessons...get over yourself!!YOU are not 3 4 or 5! And to all of you still worried about Mr.Rogers....
    1st he died, lets let him RIP
    2nd His show was for the very young
    3rd I wish we could all be as respectful and NICE as he was it was just a larger image to show children how we should be to eachother and whats sad is we are soooo far from it that Mr.Rogers creeps us out??? OK GOD BLESS AMERICA--

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  151. What about the Wiggles?!

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  152. Fred Rogers was a NAVY SEAL during the Vietnam War.Don't you think that would cause a man to try and improve the world by teaching children kindness.They are the ones fighting now,maybe if others had watched his show they would'nt be!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  153. ok its been said a couple of time in the comments but this list is seriously flawed...

    the wiggles....come on

    four guys singing and dancing take time only to ride butt-to-butt in there ridiculously small car, wake up the narcoleptic character, or be chased around by a crazy pirate who's trying to tickle them with a giant feather...very creepy

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  154. The Gigglesnort Hotel! I remember that one! I think it came on WGN, along with the Bozo show and the GRAND..PRIZE..GAME!! Looney Toons always rock, although they should show them more. I also used to watch the old WWF cartoon on CBS that had all the old WWF characters (Hulk Hogan, Rowdy Roddy, Ricky the Dragon Steamboat, Wendy Richter). BIG DORK!!
    And yes, now I have my own kids, and....
    1) Caillou needs his a** beat!! That whiny business really chaps me. My son started this annoying business of asking questions about rudimentary things he already knew everything about, saying, "But I ask lots of questions like Caillou!" Me.."Yeah, well, Caillou's an annoying little jerk who needs a big spanking...act like him and see how many friends you have." 4 year old just looked at me. I wasn't even expecting that outburst! It did work, though.
    2)Dragon Tales. Life suck? "Let's go to Dragon Land!" Something with the escapism just bugs me. And Emmy is a know it all.
    3)The Big Big World. You said it. That sloth is weird, and his voice...very pedarast.
    4)Angelina, Ballerina. Dame Judi Dench voices a character in this cartoon, the ballet instructor. Her daughter voices the Angelina character, in this breathy child-whore voice. Also whiny.
    5)Fairly Odd Parents. The premise is that this kid is basically ignored by his parents, so he escapes with his "Fairy Godparents." Sad thing is, most kids today can identify with being ignored or shoved aside so parent can be "fulfilled."
    6)Maya and Miguel. Maya is a meddling bitch who always has to run the show.
    7)Not cartoons, but all the Disney Channel shows..."That's So Raven", "Suite Life of Zach and Cody", etc...FREAKING PLEASE!! Any adult on these shows are useless, and even the kids characters pander to stereotypes. Raven needs to die in a fire.
    GOOOOD CHIT, MAN
    1)Backyardigans. The jazz influenced music! The dance routines! The use of PRETEND!!
    2)Sesame Street. Will always rule. If you feel like taking a walk down memory lane and are at least 30, youtube has the episode "Goodbye Mr. Hooper." Was recently linked to on Metafilter, and my husband and I were a mess. I remember watching this when I was 5 years old, and it was my first association with death. I also love that most of the same characters are still on.
    3)Little Bill. Bill Cosby rules.
    4)SpongeBob. I love the dorky humor.
    5)Jimmy Neutron. His friend Sheen has the best lines though.

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  155. Man I had to watch half of these while my Nefew was over the reason we only watched half was that i couldent stand to see another second of sporticus have his every movement be matched to a horn when i have kids im going to make sure that they dont watch this crap

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  156. Anybody remember Liddsville or HR Pufnstuf?
    Good old-fashioned Acid-fuelled nightmare fodder...

    Only thing that's worse is the Sleestaks from "Land of the Lost"

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  157. No WIGGLES? Every time I catch a glimpse of that show, I see four child molesters playing Pied Piper to a bunch of kids. Yeech!

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  158. I wish some of the old cartoons were on, not the kid ones but the teen-orientated ones, like spider-man and the xmen. The Xmen where they are older, not teens. and the Ninja Turtles. I mean, fighting for a good cause is a good lesson to learn. and Xmen was all about tolerence of differences, and spidey was all about being responsible. I mean, te kicking ass parts were great too, but the deeper meanings went far beyond what Dora and the Boobahs do.

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  159. Ok...sorry I have to disagree here, but of all the childrens' shows out there, the Wiggles aren't that bad.

    It's aimed at young children (I have a four-year old) and they always teach them something in a way that keeps their attention (ie, silly songs and dancing).

    It took me a while to get used to them, but my daughter insisted on watching them OVER and OVER again.

    I found out later that they'd all met while in school to be preschool teachers, and I thought that was pretty cool. I like the fact that they don't dumb down things; rather, they speak to kids on their level, without the soft-spoken Mr. Rogers creepiness (he always gave me the willies, even as a child), and they make it fun without being obnoxious.

    I have to agree wholeheartedly about the teletubbies, though...wtf is right...that's one of those shows that babies watch and go, *blink, blink* "Um...Mommy...WTF?"

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  160. As a childcare provider I have seen all the shows above and agree with you except for one thing....What about "The Big Comfy Couch" with that freakazoid clown and her doll Molly? That really should have been between a 3 and 4 on the list...

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  161. I am glad the wiggles are not on the list I happen to like the wiggles and as for them being creepy. Please Anthony is a cutie pie. I love Cap Feathersword the most. I would take Dorothy the Dinosaur over the purple demon any day of the week.

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  162. where are the Wiggles?

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  163. Some weird shows do originate from Canada, and its cause we figure our kids love crazy stuff, and most times I think we are right.

    When I was a kid I was addicted to a show made in Hamilton, Ontario.

    Hilarious House of Frightenstein. If you've seen it, you know its on the list. Its on Canada's "The Drive In" channel 3 times a day, and I watch it everytime

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  164. This list is way too US-centric. Folks who grew up in the UK have their own recollections of seriuously fucked-up kids TV shows.

    I have this theory that back in the 70s TV executives were experimenting heavily with drugs, and they reasoned that because these drugs made you childlike then making the sort of programmes that they'd like to see while on drugs would also appeal to children.

    It's a shame those days are over, 'cos if my memory of watching those shows is anything to go by, I wouldn't mind getting hold of some of what they were on.

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  165. WHat, no letter People?

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  166. The real creepy thing about Boobah is that they always make me think they need their foreskins circumscised.

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  167. Mom that needs to get off her lazy ass and engage her kids, (her words not mine) you are entirely too funny hit the circuit you made my day! What a great post!

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  168. Oh, you will let them watch. Because otherwise you couldn't blog and f around all day. Try having kids for 1 day and at the end of the day they will be watching any of these shows, or you will be driven insane.

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  169. I grew up on Romper Room, Cap'n Kangaroo and later, Winchell Mahoney hour. We were allowed to watch all the Warner Bro's cartoons (my mom's family owned a drive in and she has very fond memories of all the cartoons from the 40's) When the dang Hanna Barbara cartoons with the stupid noises, dumb scrolling backgrounds and idiotic characters (not to mention the actual 'art work' of the characters which was the worst ever) I stopped watching altogether. Maybe I was just getting too old.

    My son loved PeeWee's Playhouse - I had to tape episodes so I could play them later in the day - hey, how else does a single mom get time to do the laundry or dishes??

    I also loved Blues Clues - my daughter and I would watch that together.

    For real creepiness there's always Adult Swim...but fortunately it's on too late at night for the little ones - it's my grown children who continually spend hysterical moments trying to explain those to me.

    Great post, Matt. Thanks!

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  170. I'm disappointed that you neglected to mention Meow Meow Henrietta Pussycat in the Mr. Rogers part. BooBah makes me want to curl up in my bed and cry, and lazy town definately freaks the living crap out of me.

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  171. Has anyone seen Brum? the mini car that saves the day?
    My niece has a Dora dvd -Dora cowgirl. She rides a pony who is named Pinto.

    A mexican riding a pinto to deliver cookies.

    Why DOES Dora have to go through the snake canyon and who gets the gold rocks that she has to collect? The map? And why does Swiper like the cookies so much?

    Another one I've seen is silly stories- Where Dora tells a story about her brother and sister are outside alone before anyone else is up. They crawl into a stroller and it rolls away toward some gooey volcano. They chase the stroller but stop to feed animals and even split up. What kind of parents are they?
    Luckily, that's never happened to anyone I know and my niece thinks it's just a silly show.

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  172. I agree with you on all but one of these. I really think Boobah should be number 1 on the list. There has GOT to be some subliminal crap going on in that show. I am absolutely terrified of it. I cant watch the opening credits without hastily changing the channel and i flee from the creepy dolls in Wal-mart. What the hell is with that show??

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  173. The frightening thing about the show Mr Rogers, was that Mr. McFeely guy. Speedy delivery. Definitely gay.

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  174. Clutch Cargo
    Remember, bizare cartoon with live human (earily blurry) mouths transposed onto them. Brrrrr

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  175. I can't stand Dora.. I will never let my daughter watch that show,Mainly since it seems like they are constantly talking in Spanish.

    I also don't get why the Koala Brothers all talk but not the penguin and they are wearing long overalls and wool sweaters in prob 90F weather WTF are they thinking.

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  176. I completely agree with you. The Boobah's and the Doodlebop's are the freakiest, though Dora just plain annoys me.

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  177. Two words. Blue Clues. One man and his delusions of grandeur.

    And word on Dora. My cousins have twin three year old girls and a six year old son, and all of them have taken to the cracked out adventures of that girl and her monkey. They, the parents, have often mused about the homicidal intent of the map. It's an interesting experiment in sociology if you squint just right at the screen.

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  178. Wiggles should be number one on the list. I can only assume you never saw it.

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  179. It's creepy that you put all this work in this blog.. Ps.. Latibær er þátturinn.. Ekki dissa Magnús Scheving...

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  180. Sko if you're gona diss the man himself Magnús Scheving máttu sko alveg hoppa in yo bitch ass arse.

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  181. I remember Brum, the car who saved the day :P (someone asked in a comment) And LazyTown owns ;D (it is creepy though, but it rocks anyways)

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  182. All of these shows are a little creepy to some extent or another, (especially Doodlebops...) but one thing I have to say about Backyardigans is that thier music is really great. Go into the other room when your kids are watching it and just listen without watching. The music and singing is really top-notch, professional quality.

    Of course, I'm old enough that I remember shows like Captain Kangaroo, Electric Company, KIDS Incorporated, Pinweel (I swear that show was 6 hours every day), Today's Special, etc.

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  183. Lazy Town rocks. Robby Rotten is sexy!

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  184. My daughter is seriously creeped out by the Doodlebops, as am I...when they come on, she says, "Noooooo! Turn it!!" She's three.

    I am creeped out by the "new" host on "Blue's Clues"...I hate that show. It's on the "no watch" list, for sure.

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  185. Hey you are stupid to say that Lazy town is CREEPY Móður djöfull...dont diss Magnús you ógeðslega gerpi...

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  186. My toddler loves the wiggles and have learned alot from some of their shows. FYI...they were Child Psychology students at the university and all are married and have kids except for Jeff (Mr. Purple). The production team are members of their families and their wives. Their children also are singers and dancers on their shows. They are my least hardest to watch. Booh Bah was created for post joint parties and I refuse to watch Dora The Explorer. (did she boycot last Monday?) Sesame street still remains the most educational and that is what is important. I limit my child's tv time. She is somehow strangely fascinated with the Doodle Bops, but maybe she will out grow it.

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  187. ohhhh, íslendingar, kjánahrollur, nenniði að sleppa því að skrifa alltaf þegar einhvað er sagt einhvað tengt íslandi og fara í svona mikla varnarstöðu, þetta er svo hallærislegt.

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  188. Oh me...wow...I'm sixteen and thankfully I don't rmember watching any creepy shows like that...I was into Barney when I was little...he is pretty cool, though I always wondered if he and Baby-Bop had something going on...and Baby-Bop's brother? B.j....HMMM...Wonder why of all the letters in the alphabet...oh well...And Scooby- doo ROCKS! I love that show...seriously...i dont ever watch it anymore, but it is still awesome...I've watched re-runs of Banana Splits ad laughed so hysterically...But I do remember Rocko's Modern Life...talk of your weird...it scares me still...it just creeped me out...and Ed, Edd, and EDDIE...JUst gross...I think I remember watching the cartton baby muppets? I don't exactly remember...ya, lol, and im only 16, sad I know...but i have a neice who watches the top ten shows... and i want to run screaming out the door...but JOJO's circus...odddddd...very...the wiggles are actually very catching...guess i love australia enough that i can overlook them (not from aus., from us...just really like aus.)...Oh, and kids understand more than u think they do...trust me...

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  189. Those Icelanders have a weird language. I think they may be trying to insult you, but I can't be sure.

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  190. the icelanders are trying to insult... a thing with beging from a small country and having to defend it all the time. Actually I lived in the same house as Magnús when I was younger... and he practicaly rolles everywhere and jumps and bounces of things... good thing he found a job doing that.
    What is scary about Lazy town (latibær) is the fact that everytime that my sisters kid watches it she does crunches and asks for cucumbers!
    And why oh why has no one killed the people who make the barbie movies and Dora!!!

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  191. A lot of childrens shows, all the way back to Sesame Street and Electric Company, are done by hardcore trip heads.

    Look at Higglytown Heros. That's a salvia divinorum hallucination if I ever saw one.

    Er, I mean, if I ever... never mind.

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  192. Lazy Town Is the creepiest!

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  193. BroadCube.com is one of the websites to watch some of the video chips.

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  194. I had nooo idea that kids shows were so creepy now. I'm glad I just download all the media I like. When I have kids, I'll have a video on demand system so they'll only be able to watch things that won't be the equal to video LSD.

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  195. Jack's Big Music Show on Noggin ROCKS THE FACE! There are only 8 or 9 episodes, and we've Tivo'ed all of them for our nearly 2 year old. And I have taught my kids that Barney is EVIL. My Aunt once gave my daughter a Barney toy for her birthday, and as soon as she opened it she started screaming, "Evil! It's EEEE-VVVIILL!"

    Good times, good times..

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  196. I had a friend, seriously, that party with sid and marty. Lets just say that it was a green green world.

    Liddsville is obvious... But this apparently came directly from sid... H.R. Is "Hand Rolled" Hand Rolled Puffinstuf!!!!

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  197. this guy apparently has no children...and probably doesn't even have a wife/girlfriend. he has no understanding of what appeals to children and why those same things are pointless and silly to adults. my daughter loves the backyardigans and once she is old enough to understand mr. rogers i am sure she will love him.

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  198. The sloth on Big Big World is sooooo toasted! Maybe that explains why they sing the exact same lame-assed freaking songs EVERY FREAKING EPISODE!!!

    As for the evil demon-spawn that is Dragon Tales (shudder), why is it that every kids' show that has a large character has to make him retarded? ARe large retarded characters more comforting to kids than large intelligent ones? That goes for Charlie the crocodile on Maisie Mouse, too.

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  199. This quite closely relates to a much shorter article I wrote, if you're interested, visit the only blog entry at this link.
    http://blog.myspace.com/55150358

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