Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Hi. I'm your Twinn Doll. Wanna Play?

I need to be held.

I don't get scared very often. I love horror films. I love extreme gore. None of it ever bothers me. With one exception.

Dolls. Scary dolls. Especially scary dolls that aren't intended to be scary.

I'm the one on the right.

Have you seen this? The Twinn Doll. Holy crap, I think I'm going to pee. We got a catalog for this in the mail today, and I'm still a little freaked out. They are dolls custom made to look just like your kid. And you can order clothes that match. The dolls are so detailed, they'll even match freckles and birthmarks for you. If the results on the website are even half as good as the real results, these things are perfect, nightmare-inducing clones.

For mommy's little narcissist.

Just because something can be done doesn't mean it should be done. There is nothing cute about wanting a creepy, lifeless copy of yourself. Especially one that either looks like it's in a coma or worse, that it's plotting to slit your throat with a spoon and bathe in your blood. I wouldn't be surprised if kids started hearing voices after spending a lot of time with these things. Look at the malevolent expression on the face of this one:

These things ain't cheap, either. The doll itself is $130+, and the clothes are sold separately. Plus there are all sorts of random accessories, like a $70 horse or an acoustic guitar so you can pretend your mini me is the next Charo.

They ask you pick out skin tone, hair color, and eye color and then send them a photograph so their artisans can make your perfect match.

I wonder how they handle the really different kids. You know what I'm talking about. Chubby kids. Kids with giant foreheads. Cockeyed kids. Would it come back looking like her, or would it be a sanitized, prettier version?

Wanna see some intentionally scary dolls? Some of these are awesome.


  1. I second the notion of elminating scary dolls from existence. Chucky still gives me the heebeejeebee's.

  2. I like scary dolls. It's the scary children that give me the heebeejeebee's.

  3. But I wanted one of those dolls (the look-alikes) when I was a kid! :(

    But thanks for creeping me out

    *throws all dolls to the garbage*

  4. My sister had a doll that I swore was out to get me. I ended up locking it in the space under the stairs.

  5. You have SPACE under your stairs bk30? How very universal of you. Well done.

  6. I want to have a clone doll of myself. I would then have sex with that doll.

    Is that masturbation?

  7. No. I think it's gay incest.

  8. A cloned doll of oneself would surely be a useful therapy tool. Love thy self and all that.

  9. All of the sudden, the popularity of voodoo hits an all-time high...

  10. Dolls are terrifying! Between my Aunt’s creepy collection, gifts of porcelain eyes of the devil dolls and Barbarella I am traumatized for life. Good thing I have a son. Barbarlla scared me for life-- the dolls when they stay still are bad enough. Dolls with bear trap mouths and a taste for blondes. Could the devil have any better minions?

    I guess its just me, but i would have to be pretty hard up to screw a doll created in my image.

  11. I have ten toy guillotines to give away if anyone is interested. Guaranteed to chop off those dirty little fingers.

  12. Surely washing their hands would be kinder.

  13. bk30, I'd be careful when you ever decide to open that door, the doll will be pissed and looking for revenge.