I was going to do this next week, but Problogger's most recent contest revolves around this subject, so I'm going to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.
As some of you know, I was once employed as a telephone psychic. And as everyone knows only extremely skilled psychics are allowed to work in that renowned industry. Which means, of course, I am 100% qualified to make these predictions.
These are my predictions for '07. Three per month. I absolutely guarantee at least one will be right each month, proving my psychic prowess.
January
1. First Wii controller death.
2. France declares war on Luxembourg
3. There will be violence in the middle east.
February
1. Wii is recalled.
2. McDonald's admits what's really in Chicken McNuggets.
3. Republicans and Democrats will bicker about something.
March
1. Somebody on a reality show will go berserk and kill somebody.
2. Olson Twin beaver shot.
3. There will be lots of college basketball games.
April
1. Condi knocked up.
2. A scientist will make real-live zombies that eventually kill him and eat the neighbors.
3. It's going to rain in some parts of the US.
May
1. Dick Cheney resigns after admitting he's the one who knocked up Condi
2. Lynn Cheney shoots Dick in the face.
3. American Idol winner is announced and some people will be happy while others will be disappointed.
June
1. Hilary Duff xxx tape
2. Youtube snuff film
3. A car accident somewhere will claim someone's life.
July
1. The new Harry Potter book will come out and Snape and Hermione hook up.
2. Clay Aiken proves he's straight
3. I see many explosions and fire raining from the sky early in the month, sometime around the fourth.
August
1. Vanilla Ice comeback.
2. The sun will go supernova, ending life as we know it.
3. A professional baseball player will strike out.
September
1. Somebody gets killed by a pack of chihuahuas
2. Scientists admit they've cloned an army of zombie humans, and they've lost control of them.
3. A teacher will be arrested.
October
1. Oprah xxx tape
2. The Loch Ness monster will come out of the loch and eat a whole busload of nuns.
3. Somebody will say or do something that will offend a whole ethnicity.
November
1. Michael Jackson's face will fall off.
2. Blair Underwood will announce his candidacy for president
3. A celebrity will say something really stupid and the news will make a huge deal out of it
December
1. Aliens invade earth and wipe out New Zealand.
2. The hottest toy of the season will be a spatula fat kids can use to get out of their chair.
3. By December 15th, 98% of the US will already be sick of the next year's presidential election.
This time next year I'll tally up my score and see how right I've been. I'm going to give myself 5 points for every correct guess in the correct month and 2 points for every correct guess out of month.
My goal is seventy-five points.
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