But as parents, we have this overwhelming urge to protect our babies, to do what's right. And that's why we're such an easy market. As a result, there are tons of products out there that're just stupid, but we buy them anyway.
Here is a list of the top ten most ridiculous baby products out there right now.
10) Items that make your baby look like a moron:
Like the Baby Toupee.
Laugh it up, bitch.
This is mostly a joke, but it's a real product for real babies. It has no purpose other than for you to put it on and then laugh at how stupid your baby looks. Yeah.
It's not like they care, them being babies and all.
Only slightly better is the redneck pacifier:
Oh yes, it's a real binky. I laugh my ass off every time I see one of these. But the poor baby never looks amused.
9) Ridiculous Cribs
This is another one designed more for the parents than the baby. This wrought iron monstrosity costs more than $2,000:
I guess if parents really want to spend a brazillian dollars on the baby's nursery, it's their prerogative. But come on. The kid ain't the emperor of Japan. And as a practicality, once the baby starts moving around, those bumpers are going to get tugged on and ripped off, and the slates of the crib are going to get slobbered all over. Most cribs are wood and have a plastic coating, designed to be chewed on. This is more like a mini jail cell, with genuine iron bars.
If you're going to insist on putting your baby in this, item number 3 on this list is also recommended.
Speaking of cribs, while searching around tonight I saw this thing. I bet it's probably really comfortable for the baby, but man is it creepy. If the baby spends too much time in this thing he'll probably end up on late-night radio in 30 years talking about his repressed memories of being abducted by aliens:
That's the Moffii cradle, aka the Alien Overlord Doom Pod.
8) Feeding products designed to give dad the "experience" of breastfeeding.
There are many bottle slings and whatnots out there, designed to be put over the shoulder and hung right at the general nipple area in order to simulate breastfeeding.
No.
It's weird. Don't do it. There's nothing wrong with a dad spending as much time as possible caring for and feeding the baby, but this is over the top. I can guarantee you if your baby finds out once he's grown up, he'll never want to look at you again.
(And if you really want to be freaked out, read this article about men who really produce milk.)
7) The Leash.
Once you've sufficiently humiliated your baby by putting the toupee on, it's possible she may still have some self respect once she starts walking. Obviously you need to take her out into public and treat her like dog.
I have to admit I've seen plenty of toddlers out there who probably could use a leash. And you have to applaud parents who have proper control of their kids out in public. Plus it really can be a dangerous world out there.
But a leash? I can't be the only one who sees these and wonders what else the parents do to these poor kids. What's the trade off here? A little bit of safety in exchange for an adulthood trolling Craigslist for a dominatrix that looks just like mum? I think not.
6) The Stepford Baby Subliminal Programming CDs
There are tons of these on Amazon and Ebay. You play these CDs while baby sleeps, and she's bombarded with subliminal messages that'll help her grow up to be a genius.
I'm not a scientist. I don't know if subliminal advertising and programming works or not.
So let's assume just for a second that it does indeed work. Are you really that competitive that you are willing to mess with your baby's head just so she'll be motivated later in life to be a lawyer or an accountant, instead of a beatnik?
Do you know how sick and weird that is?
5) The Tummy Tub
It's a bathing system for your baby.
Here's the official website. Maybe it's just me, but sticking a baby in a bucket and then holding him by his head so he doesn't sink and drown doesn't exactly seem like the best method of giving him a proper bath.
4) Mommy's little sucker
A vacuum cleaner both mom and baby (well, toddler) can enjoy. This is a real vacuum that doubles as a toy a kid can ride. It's very neat looking.
When I first saw this, I thought it was awesome. But I keep getting these nagging little thoughts about it in practice, and I remember my mom. She likes the canister vacuum system. She always has. My dad used to have to buy her a new one every year because she would inevitably turn the corner and not look at where the canister part was, and it would plummet down the stairs to the first floor. Once it even caught on fire. Now imagine a screaming, deafened kid perched on back.
Besides, my three-year-old is terrified of the vacuum. It turns on, and she shrieks and jumps on the couch. I don't think the toy part of this would make it better. In fact, it'd probably make her paranoid of all her other toys.
3) The ThudGuard
It's a hardhat for your little klutz.
While there are babies out there with genuine medical conditions that require protective gear, this is marketed toward the average baby. Better safe than sorry! Keep a hardhat on your baby at all times, and she'll never get hurt!
This is just as humiliating as the leash. We all want to keep our babies safe. But if you're going to do something like this, you might as well wrap them in bubble wrap and keep them in a padded room until they're 18. Sure, accidents happen. But there's a difference between an ounce of prevention and a pound of it.
2) The Baby Keeper.
It's a baby carrier you hang over a public restroom stall while you go.
While I guess something like this is needed from time to time, I suspect rubbing a baby across the wall of a public bathroom might not be the most sanitary solution.
1) The Zaky Pillow: aka The Bed Wetter.
No.
It's weird. Don't do it. There's nothing wrong with a dad spending as much time as possible caring for and feeding the baby, but this is over the top. I can guarantee you if your baby finds out once he's grown up, he'll never want to look at you again.
(And if you really want to be freaked out, read this article about men who really produce milk.)
7) The Leash.
She kept jumping the fence, so a leash was the next step. We don't want to have to spay her.
Once you've sufficiently humiliated your baby by putting the toupee on, it's possible she may still have some self respect once she starts walking. Obviously you need to take her out into public and treat her like dog.
I have to admit I've seen plenty of toddlers out there who probably could use a leash. And you have to applaud parents who have proper control of their kids out in public. Plus it really can be a dangerous world out there.
But a leash? I can't be the only one who sees these and wonders what else the parents do to these poor kids. What's the trade off here? A little bit of safety in exchange for an adulthood trolling Craigslist for a dominatrix that looks just like mum? I think not.
6) The Stepford Baby Subliminal Programming CDs
There are tons of these on Amazon and Ebay. You play these CDs while baby sleeps, and she's bombarded with subliminal messages that'll help her grow up to be a genius.
I'm not a scientist. I don't know if subliminal advertising and programming works or not.
So let's assume just for a second that it does indeed work. Are you really that competitive that you are willing to mess with your baby's head just so she'll be motivated later in life to be a lawyer or an accountant, instead of a beatnik?
Do you know how sick and weird that is?
5) The Tummy Tub
It's a bathing system for your baby.
Here's the official website. Maybe it's just me, but sticking a baby in a bucket and then holding him by his head so he doesn't sink and drown doesn't exactly seem like the best method of giving him a proper bath.
4) Mommy's little sucker
A vacuum cleaner both mom and baby (well, toddler) can enjoy. This is a real vacuum that doubles as a toy a kid can ride. It's very neat looking.
When I first saw this, I thought it was awesome. But I keep getting these nagging little thoughts about it in practice, and I remember my mom. She likes the canister vacuum system. She always has. My dad used to have to buy her a new one every year because she would inevitably turn the corner and not look at where the canister part was, and it would plummet down the stairs to the first floor. Once it even caught on fire. Now imagine a screaming, deafened kid perched on back.
Besides, my three-year-old is terrified of the vacuum. It turns on, and she shrieks and jumps on the couch. I don't think the toy part of this would make it better. In fact, it'd probably make her paranoid of all her other toys.
3) The ThudGuard
It's a hardhat for your little klutz.
While there are babies out there with genuine medical conditions that require protective gear, this is marketed toward the average baby. Better safe than sorry! Keep a hardhat on your baby at all times, and she'll never get hurt!
This is just as humiliating as the leash. We all want to keep our babies safe. But if you're going to do something like this, you might as well wrap them in bubble wrap and keep them in a padded room until they're 18. Sure, accidents happen. But there's a difference between an ounce of prevention and a pound of it.
2) The Baby Keeper.
It's a baby carrier you hang over a public restroom stall while you go.
While I guess something like this is needed from time to time, I suspect rubbing a baby across the wall of a public bathroom might not be the most sanitary solution.
1) The Zaky Pillow: aka The Bed Wetter.
Look at this thing. I challenge you to look at this and a not be completely freaked out:
Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus. Maybe if I close my eyes, it can't get me... Oh God it's still there.
Disembodied zombie hands to hold the baby in place.
I don't care how well they say this works. It's the creepiest baby product I have ever seen, and it deserves its place as #1 on this list.
So tell me, what did I miss?
I don't care how well they say this works. It's the creepiest baby product I have ever seen, and it deserves its place as #1 on this list.
So tell me, what did I miss?
215 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1 – 200 of 215 Newer› Newest»I had a baby leash!!! My mother insisted it was essential to keep me from running off and "exploring" on my own.
I could've used that helmet a few times when I was a baby.
Yeah, I've been known to use the leash a time or two.... but that's ok - living in Miami is a little different than other places :D The rest of it...... *shudder*
Funny article. I loved the pacifier. My kids never used one, but if they did I would've used that one.
I take exception to your criticism of bottle slings. As long as it is meant as a way to ensure bonding time between child and parent, what makes it "weird"? Some masculinity issues have we?
www.bottleslingguy.com
Ah ha ha Matt, some man with breast envy called you a sissy!!!
That last one made me crap my pants.
Laughed so hard I cried!
--Mama of four
I want that cradle for myself. I keep falling out of bed.
I would say that you missed this one:
Cashmere diaper cover Because nothing says "luxury" like cashmere covered with poop.
My mum had reins for me and my brother but she didn't use them much for me. For Jamie they were a must, he was undiagnosed with ADHD until he was 14 and constantly hurt himself by accident as a toddler so they were essential. He didn't mind them, in fact he used to lean forward and bounce along the road like Skippy whilst my dad held on to him.
i read that article linked at the bottom of 8 on the list and i threw up in my mouth.
I can't argue with most of your list, but you forgot the "Pacifeeder"...the creepy hose connected to a pacifier thingy, connected to a bottle. It's kind of the philosophical opposite of the bottle sling (which doesn't actually bug me, but I don't think it's necessary).
Harnesses (I only call them "leashes" if they actually attach to a collar) can be a lifesaver in some situations. I'd have gone insane with an active 2-year-old and fresh c-section incision without one.
Bottleslingguy here (I can't remember my password or something, so can't log in).
Hey Storm, for more on something similar to the Pacifeeder check out the History of Bottle Feeding site linked on my website. It's at the bottom of the navigation bar.
The earliest "Pacifeeder" types come from the Victorian era. They eventually became known as "the Little Murderers" on account they were impossible to clean sufficiently.
As far as really needing to have my type of bottle sling to feed your baby (I think mine is better than any others, notice the 7 essentials of a quality sling @ my site) is certainly not as important as a safety product like a gate at home or a harness while at the mall.
It's a quality of life product. It makes a mundane task like holding a nursing bottle better by allowing you to concentrate on interacting with your child with both hands free. One hand holding baby + one hand holding bottle = not good enough. One hand holding baby + one hand to attend to baby = better quality of feeding experience.
Try rubbing your baby's forehead or feet while bottlefeeding them the old way.
I think Matt's pooh-poohing (no pun intended) the whole concept as weird is missing the point.
Loved the list. Must admit I used a wrist leash for my son. We lived near a large amusement park (Magic Mountain in CA) and there was a great kids' section. I had a summer pass and would take him regularly. He was a slippery kid and nearly disconnected my shoulder more than once when I was trying to hold his hand - so I ended up getting the leash. I have no regrets and make no apologies. That said, I think I wouldn't have gotten that harness thing if it had been available.
You're funny...
My husband just showed me your blog. I love it..
scary
Oi, the pic of the baby with the toupee is way scary... It's almost like seeing him / her 80 years into the future...
I remember one time I saw a woman with her two toddlers on a leash. That thing usually gets me going, but that same day, further up, I saw a woman pushing her dog on a stroller!!! What the hell's happening to the world???
Good lord, man! Your blog is dangerous.... I've definitely found a new favorite... yes, I've claimed another "friend"
:)
My comp.sci. teacher told me about a baby monitor that calls your cell phone if the baby cries. I don't really understand what that solves, but it ensures that parents won't miss more of their precious baby's lives than they have to.
Speaking of the suspended baby cradle, he said that it was actually really ingenious. The baby kicks, and since it is balanced on a spring, the cradle starts rocking them to sleep.
When I first glanced at the Tummy Tub, I thought it was a disembodied baby head over a decapitated chihuahua or snake, you know, due to the refraction.
If ever I have a kid though, I want one of them hick teeth pacifiers.
Oh, and if you think the Zaky Pillow is creepy, read some of the stuff on the FAQ page. They have odd instructions for overseas fathers:
"If you must go away for a long period of time, leave a Zaky and a loving note to your partner that says something like: 'I am leaving my hand so our baby feels my touch until I return...'"
Also, if you scroll to the bottom, you'll notice that, despite its advertised purpose as a sleeping pillow, you're not supposed to leave them unattended. I think the hands would try and smother the kid.
The leash... oh my God!!
Overall quite funny!
I do have to disagree with the baby hammock you have posted. (You called it a pod.) Those are actually supposed to be awesome for babies, good to prevent reflux and stuff and helps them sleep better, and I'm probably going to get one for my baby I'm expecting next month.
www.ambybaby.com
I was completely against leashes until I lived in NYC. I think that they are necessary for people who live in urban areas where they walk everywhere. Aside from that, however, they are unneccessary.
Oh. My. God. :
http://www.pregnancystore.com/ProudBelly_Pregnancy_Belly_Casting_Kit.htm
Another reason I personally never want to have children.
The best quote ever on baby leashes was on an episode of The Simpsons where Homer's half-brother (voiced by Danny DeVito) makes and markets a baby translator and tries to market it at a Baby Convention.
At the convention, a mother walks by with her toddler on a leash. The toddler babbles something to her mother, and the baby translator spits out, "This leash degrades both of us."
How true it is.
when my borther was 2 he felt and skint his knee.... instead of crying like a normal child, my brother got PISSED and started attacking the sidewalk. He slammed his head and face at the thing and tried to bite it...
My mom had to pickhim up and hold him off the ground while he snarled and squalled tryign to continue to attacking the ground...
He suuuurrre could have used that helmet there.
(yes he has had therpy, no it didn't do any good)
I got a harness for my two year old after he threw himself in the lake for the third time. :|
those disembodied zombie hands...
man, i'm gonna have nightmares for years. here comes round 12 of more therapy.
Anonymous said...
I got a harness for my two year old after he threw himself in the lake for the third time. :|
<<<
Have you tried actually watching your kid?
good lord... people who advocate so many of these items miss the point, i feel.
if your child it so stupid and uncontrollable that they run out into traffic or jump into deep water or feel the urge to slip through the bars of the tiger exhibit at the zoo, then you and everyone around you gets to witness the miracle of darwinian theory in action.
yes, technology can make our lives easier, safer, and generally improved... but it also is responsible for a decline in society's overall intelligence and common sense.
i generally dislike making huge generalities and sweeping blanket statements, but come on... humanity managed to raise children and keep civilization going for centuries without the aid of leashes or play-skool helmets. introducing such unecessary and idiotic implements to the equasion now only proves that you're a shitty parent who is incapable of raising a properly behaved child.
try cutting down on the sugar & TV, using stern (but not physical) discipline, and letting the children experience the pain and suffering of boo-boos that come naturally when they don't heed mommy and daddy's sound advice.
They seem nuts, and yet I might actually use a couple. And not just for amusement; try taking a leak holding a squirming kiddo under your arm.
Then try this list of [url=http://www.peteys-sotry.blogspot.com]the "best" baby names for 2007[/url].
My God! How did humanity last 10,000 years without these things?
Anon at 10:32 is so right.
Why would someone want their baby to look like Donald Trump?
As for the male breast feeding....MAJOR ISSUES there! Can you say, Gay!
And last but not least, the leash. I have 4 children 6, 5, 4, and 2. I have NEVER needed to put my children on a leash. C'mon people, they are human beings not animals. If you actually pay attention to them, there is no need for a leash. Use a stroller morons!
The hands on that Child in the #1 slot. REALLY remind me of the Hand Monsters in the Legend of Zelda for Nintendo, that attack you and take you back to the beginning of the level....
remember those ??!
myspace.com/sharppony
Have you tried actually watching your kid?
Jerk.
The freaky Zelda hands! UGH! I used to like jump and scream when i heard those things coming because they scared me so bad. I had horrible nightmares about those hands coming to pick me up out of bed...too creepy!
Whoa, that disembodied hand one is freaky creepy. *shiver*
I had a little leash when I was a baby, but it just went form wrist to wrist so I wouldn't get abducted when my parents took me to the mall.....Those full-blown harnesses are a little weird, though.
Great list! I must say though, I think the baby toupee is hysterical. I wrote about it during Halloween, it's a great way to have a unique costume for your baby!
Um, as for the harnesses--has no one else here had their 2 year old dash madly away from them in a parking lot or airport when they're 9 months pregnant and absolutely unable to keep up???
Also, with all of those oh-so-fabulous inventions, how come no one has yet invented a device to keep the stinkin' pacifier in their mouths when they're sleeping?!
The leash is probably the most controversial and most unfortunately useful item on the list. It looks stupid and most of the time it is stupid. If your kid gets down on his hands and knees and pretends to be a puppy dog because you put him on a leash, he probably doesn't need it. Yes, I do know kids who have done this. It's usually pretty funny.
Now, since my kid is handicapped with a pretty non-obvious condition, I rather like the harness. Going through an airport or a busy place where the parents can be easily distracted for the few seconds it takes for the kid to disappear makes it worthwhile to have a harness for the one who likes to run off. There are times when it is a good thing. Most of the time; however, it makes a lot more sense to use a stroller and keep an eagle eye on the kiddo. Still it does have it's place as a useful item.
The Harness is extremely useful. I once had the task of babysitting a 3 year old and his 1 1/2 year old baby sister at a convention center while their mother sold stuff at a craft convention there. The 3 year old ran off while I was cleaning up a mess the 1 1/2 year old made and it took me over an hour to find him in a crowd of 10,000 people. I would have killed for a leash that day.
I have to agree that the leash is a necessity. I used to think they were cruel until I found out what it's like having a two year old running around the mall food court while my wife and I try to enjoy our Hagen Daz. Now we just tie him to the table and we don't have to get up off our fat asses anymore. We don't use it at home though. When we've had enough of him, we just give him his Ritalin and stick him in front of the TV.
I had the baby leash as a kid not only was it humiliating but I still get creeped out seeing them (I am now 24 years old). I have a 3 year old and I can say with conviction the only reason to use this product is lazyness. Keep an eye on your kids and you don't need it.
toddlers do love to crawl under the toilet stall and get away when they know you can't chase them (because you're going to the bathroom!).
That thing looks overly complex, I'd be worried about them kicking me, and lots of bathroom stalls have broken/missing hooks.
I'd say you'd be better off using the harness, no need for two specialized devices. ;)
When my 1-year-old twin toddlers are a bit older, I will probably get two harnesses (they make cute animal backpacks where the tail is used as a lead as necessary). Many kids are happier on their feet getting some exercise rather than sitting in a stroller during walks and errands. Once my kids are a little faster (but still too young to reliably obey instructions), I won't be able to catch both of them when they run in two different directions (as they invariably do). And I can't hold both of their hands in parking lots while carrying groceries, locking/unlocking the car, etc. It's a logistical issue.
Well done Mate!
Rebecca spoke in support of the leash by asking if anyone else "had their 2 year old dash madly away from them in a parking lot or airport when they're 9 months pregnant and absolutely unable to keep up"
No to sound too cruel, but maybe you should have thought of that sort of a scenario before you squatted down and shot out another rugrat before the first one was grown enough to not require 100% of your attention and time. You know your home life, your income, and your family well before you choose to have a child, so make some smart decisions.
If you already have a child and you can't afford a nanny and don't have family or friends who are going to help you, maybe it's not time to leave the diaphragm in the medicine cabinet at that point in your life.
Similarly, Egagen remarked that, "The harness is extremely useful. I once had the task of babysitting a 3 year old and his 1 1/2 year old baby sister at a convention center while their mother sold stuff at a craft convention there." Again, we have a situation where a single person is being tasked with watching over multiple little ones. YOU chose to take on a task that was beyond your capability. You could have either had an additional person help you or told the mother, "I'll take the rammy todler and you can keep this 1½ year old with you."
A single individual attempting to look after multiple ill-behaved little ones routinely winds up either being a disaster or at the very least causing a scene and making others roll their eyes. Heh... look no further than your local K-Mart or Wal-Mart or other dirtbag store. Inevitably you'll see at least one obese woman pushing a cart full of crap and an assortment of horrid children whose names all rhyme and you can safely bet that at some point during her shopping she'll blurt out, "Damnit, Ronnie, Lonnie, and Donnie! If you bastards don't settle down and behave I ain't gonna bring yous back here no more!" (a cookie for the person who can identify the author of the book i'm referencing there)
- Anonymous 10:32
I am thinking about getting the hands to mess with my wife.
Wow. Some of you are really angry about the "leash" and how parents don't properly care for their children. (And some of you are plain rude - just because someone doesn't have a nanny doesn't make them bad parents, good lord. I don't think the leash is a non-egalitarian-society kind of an issue.) Look. I sounded like that before I had a kid too. But let me tell you something. Sometimes, kids are a lot faster and more unpredictable than you can imagine. If you don't live in a big city, like New York, the leash seems unnecessary. Some children really do outgrow the patience to sit in a stroller, Darwinian theorist. I have a friend who is one of the best mothers I know and her kid won't sit in a stroller anymore. It's not all cut and dry. All kids are different - no matter the amount of sugar and TV they get. My son is active, thankfully, without all of the sugar.
I will heartily agree that most of this stuff is ridiculous, and I myself bought crap I wish I hadn't, especially since you can't return it once it’s been spit up in. But to expound my point further - Mr. Dinniman says he found his baby swing useful. I didn't. What a waste of cash - my baby hated it. It’s brand new, sitting next to my bed, waiting for me to take it to goodwill. Kids are different. Some kids, in some urban settings, probably can be saved by a "leash". I don't have a kid harness, but let me tell you, what other people think about me won't stop me from getting one if I'm trying to walk down Broadway and my son sees something really interesting fly past him into the street, breaks my handhold ...
And while I agree that technology has managed to dumb down a lot of our society, humanity has had to adapt to the other parts of technology you’re not considering. Like massive vehicular traffic and yellow cabs flying inches away from sidewalks. I’m sure kids got run over in Rome by the horse and chariot because they had too much vino for breakfast, and I’m not excusing parents who pay more attention to their cell phones and not enough to their kids. Those parents should be punished. There are a lot of good parents out there who care about their children's safety. And more over, don't knock it till you've got kids and can empathize with other parents. If you do have kids and they’re perfect and you’re perfect, bully for you. (If you know people who’ve got their kid vacuuming their house, wearing a toupee, they may have other issues.) And just in case you’re going to get angry and write me back, let me beat you to it: Bite me.
Had a good laugh over some of the things you've found but, like a few other readers, I have to disagree with the leash/harness comments.
My three kids have all been 'leashed' at one time or another.The harness is ideal under certain conditions; sale days at the mall, street parades, walking in dangerous situations- ie along a pier and so on.
Word of advice, buy a neutral coloured harness. A bright pink harness with big sunflower on the front is not ideal for an 18 month old boy :)
Jimmy. Wellington, New Zealand
I used to be completely against the leash until I was at Bush Gardens and my 7 year old fell and got hurt. I bent down to help him and my 4 year old dissapeared. I still never got one, but it made me less judgemental about there use. I can see certain situations where the benefit of using on a younger child might out weigh the negatives. Mostly Airports, amusement parks, crowded unfamiliar cities - crowded places like that. Not on a normal walk through the neighborhood though.
I wrote an essay on leash laws for children a long time ago. If you care enough to put your dog on a leash to keep him from running into traffic, don't you care that much about your own freaking child?
i like the bathroom stall hanging thing ..... i used to carry a heavy duty cord strap piece of gear for just such situation ....it was a back pack kiddie harness ... that didnt stand by its self .
and leaning it was too unstable .
yup ... im a guy
The best use we had for a tummy tub was for a baby with gas pains. The body position and warmth of the water really help... move things. It's not as sophisticated an concept as a leash discussion, but any parent with a unhappy baby would rather have quiet than philosophy.
How anyone could think that a stroller is more appropriate than a harness for a young child is beyond me. Do we really want to train people to sit on their behinds from day one? My active kids all preferred their harness because it let them use their legs, and gave them more freedom to explore their enviroment than holding my hand would. And check out nursemaid's elbow for what can happen to kids whose arms get pulled one too many times. Plus it is very handy in the restroom too; never met a toddler who wouldn't squirm under the stalls in a minute. Pfff. A harness is superior to either a stroller or handholding, and shows better parenting. Humanity survived smallpox, whooping cough, scarlet fever and more all these millenia too; doesn't mean I'm going to turn down modern medicine.
I rather liked the hammock crib too, most of the other stuff seems pretty useless. I also agree that a cashmere diaper cover is silly.
Not all that funny really. Some of your comments are just rude.
Yeah, maybe you shouldn't be calling babies 'bitch'. Blame the parents...put a posting like 'my parents are idiots' or something like that.
I have to chime ion on the baby leash as well. My older son was a very early walker and extraordinarily active from day one, and a harness was necessary for his safety- it kept him out of ponds and fountains, INSIDE bathroom stalls, and from getting lost in crowds. I'm sure the snarky poster who prefers zombie children would rather my son had drowned in his version of Darwinism (hey, moron- human adaptability extends to protecting our children with clever gadgets!), but I'll wager that my extremely bright little boy was worth saving from his own curiosity, and will probably be more usefulk to society than Mr Snark.
I suspect the deal with the harness is that people have a visceral reaction to something that looks like a dog-leash, which I find illogical- the same people have no issue with strollers, which further restrict a child's movement and discourage exercise.
You've officially been posted to the boards at www.babycenter.com so your traffic is going to keep increasing. I nearly peed my pants reading your commentary on some of these items. Granted, it's pretty easy to make a pregnant woman do that but nonetheless, I got a good giggle.
The "leash" is just a modern version of "leading strings". See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leading_strings or and especially http://histclo.usanethosting.com/style/skirted/dress/lead.html . I'd bet they have saved more than one child's life by keeping it from darting out into traffic.
Ok - to add to the leash issue:
I was on one because my sister and I are 11 months apart (yes, planned that way) and we always wanted to see different things. My mom needed to carry things now and then and you can't do that with two kids holding your hands.
Next, parking lot driving is much more dangerous just in the last few years. People don't look for cars and cars don't look for people. A (short) leash has saved my daughter's life a couple of times outside Washington, D.C., and I nearly got hit too so it wasn't me not watching her.
Airports. A child under two can be taken on some airlines with no notice to the company. You just show up with the kid and get on. Imagine an active 18 month old getting away while mom is in the security line being searched and snatched and taken on a plane. You wouldn't even know where to start looking. I had a flight attendent tell me a story where that had happened and she congratulated me on putting up with small minded people who didn't like our leash and were rude about it.
Obviously, every child is different and not every situation calls for a leash. I only used it until my daughter understood enough to hold my hand and walk to the car when I told her to. Before that she hated holding hands and would sit down (think lead weight) and holler if I tried. Add that to a back problem or carrying something like groceries and there is a need for them.
I agree it looks funny, but some people should probable use their brains before they write.
"Yeah, maybe you shouldn't be calling babies 'bitch'. Blame the parents...put a posting like 'my parents are idiots' or something like that."
Maybe you should read it again.
Did you consider the Pee Pee Tee Pee when making your list?
http://hipbabygear.com/accessories/forbaby_clothing_peepee_teepee.htm
"Anonymous said...
"Yeah, maybe you shouldn't be calling babies 'bitch'. Blame the parents...put a posting like 'my parents are idiots' or something like that."
Maybe you should read it again."
Yeah, seriously. Read it again. My husband would never call a baby a name; he loves children.
Now YOU, anonymous, that's another story...
I laughed so hard, I had an asthma attack!!!
Eh...some of these things are funny, but I'm not laughing out loud. I'm more overwhelmed at how judgemental you all are. God, can't someone use a baby product they happen to find useful without nosey-body moms snickering and whispering behind their back? Geeze, people, mind your own business!
Add me to the list of childless adults in favor of young children on leashes. I'd MUCH rather see a young child on a leash and walking around being active than sitting in a stroller cramming its face with calorie-and-sugar laden juice and cookies to keep it from fussing.
Kids were meant to be active, and as someone else mentioned, such devices have been around since long before strollers.
Children aren't dogs and if you can't control your child like a human maybe you shouldn't be out in public. I have three active toddlers and I have no problems keeping them under control without damaging their self esteem. It is absolutely degrading and disgusting and I bite my lip every time I see one of those stupid harnesses.
Mother of two year old triplets
I wish I had been on a leash as a kid. My five siblings and I are all within 1.5-3 years of each other. When we were little, we always had to have one hand on the stroller. I would have given alot to have ten feet of freedom and both hands.
Personally, my son would love that vacuum thing, and with indoor dogs, I'd let him use it as much as he wanted!
No baby leashes or helmets here. We tend to go by the Jeff Foxworthy paradigm which is: "Sure he could pull that TV down on his head--but he'll only do it once!"
"It's a quality of life product. It makes a mundane task like holding a nursing bottle better by allowing you to concentrate on interacting with your child with both hands free. One hand holding baby + one hand holding bottle = not good enough. One hand holding baby + one hand to attend to baby = better quality of feeding experience."
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of dads would be using this thing so they could keep both hands on thier PS3 controllers???
Uh, Mother of two-year-old triplets? Do tell us how you keep your three young toddlers under control at all times "with no problems." Do the four of you walk on sidewalks next to busy streets? Or through parking lots with lots of cars going too quickly with very little visibility? Or do you keep them strapped into a stroller or cart at all times? Please, enlighten us.
I love the list, its awesome. As for the controversial topic of a harness I would agree to some harness/strap system when you have multiple kids to control, have a hindrance or handicap, or in such places as busy malls, large conventions, large parks, etc. This is a VERY personal issue but I feel people who are so negative about the harness/leash/strap may not have kid(s) or been in a situation that requires the use of one. As a parent I know people who don't have kids tend to be awfully preachy about how things should be with child rearing and how dumb we're making our kids. Don't comment on what you don't have experience with.
If you don't think a leash is a necessity, you should try having two-year old triplets.
People have been raising babies for centuries without most of this stuff. I don't want to be a dick, but honestly, do you really need both hands free while you feed your baby? So you can focus more on the feeding experience? It seems more like something a parent would use so they can feel closer to the baby than something the baby needs to feel closer to the parent. If you need to simulate the milk feeding process to feel close to your children, something is missing in the first place.
Just my two cents.
To comment about the leash, I helped raise my twin brothers when they were babies/toddlers. One of them is diagnosed with severe ADHD (Don't even get me started on this one). I must say, while they were troublesome at times, I never felt the need for a "leash". Raising kids to respect you and follow the rules is part of being a parent. If you need a leash to keep your kids under control, perhaps it's time to rethink your parenting strategy.
I think that once more people use leashes the stigma of "omg ur treating him liek a dog!11!one!1" will go away, and there's a lot of advantages to it.
They can't run away and get lost, they can't run into traffic, they can't be abducted by perverts and if you keep them short in a busy area they can't get in the way of other people.
My Mom runs a daycare, 7 kids who range in age from 1 to 6. Like all little kids, they have far too much energy. So when she has the time and the weather is nice my Mom takes the daycare kids out to the local park. This was all fun and games until one of the two year old boys discovered a new game- running away from the adults. He'd wait until he knew my Mom was distracted by a fight or scraped knee and he'd bolt for the road, forcing my Mom to take a chance leaving the other 6 kids on the playground while she ran after this little boy trying to keep him for getting run over. After several weeks of fruitless time outs, removal of privileges, and talking about danger without it sinking in, she found the golden tool to keep this little boy from trying to throw himself under a car.
The leash.
With the consent of his parents, he had to wear the leash whenever they went out. It kept him away from the road and the other kids were safer too, since my Mom didn't have to leave them to catch him. He eventually outgrew his running phase and the leash got put away but without it, the little cutie might have become roadkill.
"As for the male breast feeding....MAJOR ISSUES there! Can you say, Gay!"
Silly me, I thought being gay was about a man loving other men rather than having breast envy.
Nitwit.
Calling things "gay" still isn't comedy gold, regardless of what your 12 year olf friends tell you.
I will leave breast feeding to my wife. What a retarded idea. I don't think it necessarily makes a man homosexual, but the idea itself is pretty queer.
totally agree...
man there is some creepy shit out there!
I'd always laughed at kids and their parents who used the leash until I was put in a position to consider it. Until one day.
My son and I were at the local Wal-Mart and he took off running through the store. He thought that it was really funny until he thought he was all alone (he wasn't though). He started crying in the middle of the store. Instead of scolding him, I let him continue thinking he was lost for good while... problem solved.
A life lesson works every time.
Oh, I loved this and your hilarious commentary!
I completely guarantee that the child will not grow up gay because it was fed with a bottle sling. Creating a gender identity is far more complicated than that, as is the formation of sexual preference later in life. I'm quite sure the child's environment will rear it to become a good little heterosexual, or at least confine it firmly inside the Closet...
The only question when considering using a bottle sling is whether the father is comfortable using it, and whether the mother (if we're dealing with a hetero couple) is comfortable with the father using it...
I can certainly see practical benefits with the sling, as well as benefits in the parent / child bonding process.
Mother of an active 4-year old. Thinks he's Superman, Batman, Iceman,Waterman, et al. Fights bad guys (with sticks) and throws the occasional 'hi-yah' while walking, if you get my drift.
Harnesses are not needed if it is possible to 'train' your child early to not walk, run, skip, 'just want to see' something away from you. As a young child, they learn to walk with you.
Even now, when my son gets in advance it is always with the warning of not going too far.
They have to be taught to cross the streets as well, so you are warned.
If a child is particularly energetic in public places then a harness is suitable. But I can't really see myself enjoying anything if my wandering child is tugging, touching things he's not supposed to.
Holy crap, all these leash comments and not one mention of SNL? The leash is useless -- remember when Mike Myers was on with Nicole Kidman and she gave him chocolate? He got all hyped up and plucked the jungle gym right out of the ground and dragged it down the highway. I think he was wearing a helmet, too.
The sling bed for an infant is based on what humans have used for centuries in tribal cultures around the world. They are quite comfortable and support the child very well. It's like sleeping in a hammock.
Some of the safety gear I view as quite useful. There are certain genetic factors that predispose someone to get epilepsy if they receive a head injury. This has been found out in the genetic genome study. I would prefer my young child to wear one of these until they were older and the cranium more fused.
I also like the idea of the leash. I've suggested it to my daughter on several occasions to keep control of my two youngest grandchildren.
Baabs, thanks for reminding me of that hilarious SNL skit with the harness and helmet! Now, I'm really laughing my ass off.
Most you people need to stop being so serious and just get a sense of humor. You'd be a lot happier!
Well, I have the tummy tub (won it in a contest) and haven't been able to use it very successfully with either of my kids. Looks cool, though.
And those hand pillows? I'll agree they are creepy. Yes, I will. But I have a very difficult 3 month old, and I've considered buying them more then once.
I resorted to a hot water bottle, however.
I don't have children, but I do work in a bookstore where we have a children's department. I can't tell you how many times I have scooped up a random child just wandering around by themselves, only to return him/her to a mother or father who had not yet noticed they are gone.
Many of these children never even gave a second thought (or struggle) to being picked up and carried away by a complete stranger. What if I had been a kidnapper? What if "that would never happen here" actually happened?
I agree with the person who argued that if we care enough about our pets to leash them we should care enough about our kids to keep them on some sort of lead.
For the record, I am 28 years old and was periodically "leashed" as a child while camping because I loved the water and could not be watched every minute while my folks tore down camp. I am perfectly normal and support parents who do what they need to do to prevent accidents or worse.
In my humble opinion, in the end it isn't about how well mom and dad are watching their kids, it is about not going to funerals or police stations.