Old people driving

I was almost killed tonight on my way to work. A woman, who appeared to be about 239 years old, mistook me and my truck as an open space of highway and tried to merge onto me. I had to swerve into the bus lane, and I narrowly avoided an accident by inches.

Then I read about this lady in Florida who decided her local DMV needed a new drive-thru window, so she took matters into her own hands. (Make sure you watch the video. Heh.)

We're so gung-ho about putting new and approved restrictions on teen drivers, but whenever we try to place special restrictions on seniors, the Silver Panthers and whatnot have heart attacks and scream "discrimination! Ageism! Get off my damn lawn!"

We need mandatory eye and reflex tests every six months for people over 65. If you're as spry as you were when you were 50, that's great. You get a medal for being awesome. But in the meantime, let's weed out the dangerous ones.

Don't get me wrong. I love old people. I love their fuzzy heads and the fact they always have candy for me. But if I'm going to die early, I really want it to be because of my own stupidity. That is all.