Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I'm a murderer

This story is 100% true.

About two weeks ago, my wife was walking around the house, watering the plants. As she was watering each one, she leaned in close and said something like, "Coochie-coochie choo you like a dwink of water, baby? You thirsty? Here you go sweetie. Drink it all up for mommy!"

I found this to be particularly funny, and I mentioned it. She stated that her mother always talked like that to her plants, and they were always thriving. I mentioned the Mythbusters episode where it was shown talking to plants didn't really matter.

To prove my point, I walked up to the largest plant in our living room, a tree thing with leaves that we've had for eons. I got up real close and said in my meanest voice: "I hate you, you stupid, ugly tree. I hope you die a terrible, painful death. I hope all your leaves fall right off, and I hope you disappear from this world to never be remembered."

You can probably see where this is going.


R.I.P.

Two weeks later, the tree is dead. Dead, dead, dead. All our other plants are fine, but not the tree. We've had the thing for years, and it's never had a problem, and now it's dead. I murdered it.



The leaves are still green, but they are dry as a bone. You touch them, and they fall right off. They crumble in your hands.

I always wondered what it felt like to be a murderer. Now I know.

19 comments:

  1. You evil, tree-killing beast! Karma's gonna get you. Beware the revenge of the tree.

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  2. Floracide is a prosecutable crime, you know.

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  3. Was that a ficus tree? Ficus trees aren't meant to live! I can never keep one of those alive. I don't think you need to feel too guilty about it! You can always get a fake one to replace it! :-)

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  4. maybe your wife stopped watering it to prove her point...

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  5. Please don't say anything like that about me.

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  6. Wow, your words are powerful!

    Maybe you should be on "Heroes"!

    --Mama to five

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  7. I don't have to resort to murdering my plants to prove a point, anonymous. Bite me.

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  8. Remember when Kari yelled at her beans, 'You freshman!'?

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  9. I'm going to try that at work and see how it goes.

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  10. Matt don't feel to bad. If I look in the general direction of a plant it keels over.

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  11. If you're interested in the science behind this, google "masaru emoto" and read about this scientist's experiments with water and crystalization. He proves that our words and emotions emit energy that affect living cells. Makes you think not only about how you talk to plants... but how we talk to each other, and ourselves. Happy Thursday! :)

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  12. Dude, didn't the Mythbusters prove that playing death metal for your plant makes it grow bestestest?

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  13. This post is hilarious. Don't mean to rub salt into your wound, but it is! Can the effect be reversed? Maybe if you serenade or apologise or something it might spring back to life? So call me naive.

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  14. Never, ever talk bad about me, you hear? I don't want to drop dead right in the middle of the day or something.

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  15. Can you come talk to a few cats for me???

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  16. Yikes - will the missus notice if you replace it with a new one...

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  17. Sorry Sorry. But that is just awesome. I'm going to show my mom your post. She loves everything about plants and find this very interesting.

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