The Balloon

As a father, I have purchased and randomly obtained many balloons over the past several years.

The purchase of a balloon is a lot more complicated and requires more politics than one would think, especially when there's only one balloon to go around with four children. I have many balloon stories to tell, from the 7-2-03 incident involving a balloon, a light fixture in my son's room, and several birthday stitches to an epic battle just last year over balloon property rights between my then 1-year-old and 3-year-old daughters, which ended in a very, very loud tie.

In this particular case, however, we are going to study this balloon, AKA Lazarus the Death Cheater:

picture taken 11-13-07

You'll note that the balloon is currently floating in the laundry room where no one can get it.

All four of the children want a piece of the balloon. The oldest (boy) wants to beat it with a stick until it pops. The next one down (girl) wants to tie a note to it and send it off into the ether so a princess will find it and email her back. The next youngest wants to run in circles with it clutched in her hand, giggling until it either whips the cat into a frenzy or smacks someone in the face. The youngest (who in this particular case is the actual owner of the balloon) wants to either choke herself with it or bite it so it explodes in her face.

And they all want to do this at the exact same time.

Here's the thing. Laney's birthday was October 18th, and we got this balloon a day or two before. So just about three weeks ago. Most balloons suffer death through one of the four above-mentioned methods within 4-10 minutes of their entrance to the house, and that rare balloon lucky enough to survive the night usually lays defeated, dragged down to the floor by the weight of its own string by the next morning, deflated and unable to face another day of torture.

This particular balloon has been fought over, whipped about, sat upon, and all but stabbed right in the face. Yet it lives.

By God, it lives.

For three weeks it has persevered, with no sign of dying. We have moved it to the laundry room so it can live out its golden days in peace, but it just. won't. die.

I'll keep you posted.