I laugh, and I laugh.
Tonight I'm not laughing. I'm not laughing because tonight I'm going to turn into one of those right-wing radio wackjobs, at least in spirit.
I just read this book to my two-year-old daughter. DK Baby Fun: Humpty Dumpty.
Who among us hasn't been enraptured by this timeless story of daring, danger, and untimely death?
It's the king of nursery rhymes.
It's the king because it exemplifies the very purpose of nursery rhymes... to allow us to introduce the harsh realities of this world in bite-sized, neatly-wrapped packages.
So let's rewind to the reading of this particular version of Humpty Dumpty.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
(Already my daughter is interested. I laugh. Oh that silly Humpty Dumpty. Won't he ever learn?)
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
(That's what you get, you stupid egg! Sitting on the edge like that. My daughter shows appropriate concern. Already I see the lesson sinking in. Don't sit on ledges! Especially if you're an egg!)
(This page has lots of explosions and bangs. A nice touch, I think.)
All the King's Horses and all the King's Men
(A bunch of concerned citizens rush to Humpty's rescue. A glimmer of hope appears in my daughter's eye.)
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
(Bam! That's right! That's what you get! My daughter realizes sometimes stories don't have happy endings, so you better be careful! She clutches onto to me more tightly so she doesn't fall. Lesson properly applied and learned. Thank you Humpty Dumpty for your lesson!
...but wtf is this? There's two more pages.)
But if we close our eyes and imagine...
(But? But?! There's no freakin' "but's" in Humpty Dumpty! Already the lesson my daughter has learned is being wiped from her subconscious hardrive. I know I should stop, but I don't. )
We can put Humpty Dumpty back together again!